


The Spirit Boy

by Semper_Sehun



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dreamsharing, Drug Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ghost Sex, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Oral Sex, Prostitute Sehun, Prostitution, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Wet Dream, ghost sehun, please read author's note
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2020-12-16 03:10:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 25,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21029282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Semper_Sehun/pseuds/Semper_Sehun
Summary: Sehun is a ghost that lives in Jongin's apartment. Every day, he has to watch as the other falls deeper into a depressive slump. At first, he thinks there's nothing he can do but watch but then he finds a way to communicate with Jongin.





	1. Awakening

**Author's Note:**

> Dear reader, please read the tags carefully and read this authors note.
> 
> I have long contemplated if I should post this fic at all. I do not intend to offend anyone or falsely portray any kinds of mental illnesses. This is why I'm writing this. Please be aware that this is fiction. None of this is true, and that is good. I am by no means a pyschologist or expert in the fields or drug/alcohol abuse, so please consider this while reading this story. There may be portrayals which are not correct or don't apply to every individual suffering from those illnesses. By no means is it my intention to glorify mental illnesses, so please do not misunderstand. If you have any concerns after writing the story, please contact me. If you think that I should change something, please tell me. I know this story tackles many difficult themes and I do not want this story to be a harmful one.  
I considered not posting this story at all after the developments of the latest events, but I decided to do it after all. Although this story is angsty, it does have a happy ending. I wish for every single human on this planet to have a happy ending too.
> 
> Big thanks to my beta reader Tales for this one ♥️
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy this story,  
your Semper_Sehun

Sehun still remembered the day that he died.

It was in the same building, in the same room in which he'd been stuck for a little longer than a century. Even the bed had stood in the same corner. Right next to the window he'd lain, staring out of the window day by day as the leaves on the trees outside withered away together with him as if they competed against each other in a macabre race of time. In the end, Sehun had won, never witnessing the first fall of snow that year. A single leaf fell from the large oak outside the window when his last breath left his body, a soft breeze carrying the orange coloured leaf down the street Sehun used to walk every day before he fell ill.

But even when his body was carried out of the building just hours later, Sehun's soul remained.

More than a hundred years later, numerous people had moved into the flat and moved out again. He'd seen people laugh and he'd seen them cry, he'd watched people have sex and he'd witnessed them die. But unlike him, nobody stuck around.

It had taken a while for Sehun to realise that he was a ghost. Afterlife wasn't what he'd imagined, because Sehun was certain that this wasn't heaven and he wasn't an angel either. There was none of the promised paradise, none of the peace of mind. All that Sehun got was loneliness and time. It seemed almost as if god was trying to make up for the time that Sehun hadn't had when he'd still been breathing, now granting him with an eternity but for the sake of his sanity.

The latest occupant of Sehun's room was a young man. He'd moved in about four months ago, and Sehun had been smitten almost instantly. The man was handsome, about his age and just downright stunning. His sharp jaw, the cute nose, his deep brown eyes; everything about the man seemed intriguing.

However, Sehun's initial infatuation with the newcomer had considerably dampened when he'd learned more about the man, or rather, his behaviour.

The young man, his name was Kim Jongin as Sehun quickly found out, wasn't a bad person, not at all. In fact, Sehun was quite certain that Kim Jongin was incredibly soft at heart. Yet, he turned out to be one of the most exhausting inhabitants of his room that Sehun had witnessed.

Every weekend, Jongin would either throw a party or go out. Lately, those parties began to happen during the week as well. It wasn't like Sehun minded the partying, he'd learned about how much the world had changed during the last 100 years even while being stuck in this room, unable to ever leave the four walls behind him. It was probably a part of his curse, being stuck inside the four walls in which he’d died. Truthfully, Sehun wasn’t even sure if he was cursed, but he was dead and locked up in a single room, so it sounded pretty cursed to him.

The problem with Jongin's partying was the way he let himself go. It wasn't the light-hearted, weightless way of dancing and feeling good that Sehun meant, it was something darker. There was something in the movements that could tell the story of pain, but until now, Sehun hadn’t figured out if it was a physical or psychological one. Yet, he knew that there was something that festered within the other man and he knew that it was worse than any demon.

-

"Fuck, where's my fucking key."

Jongin was rummaging through the drawers of his desk. There were plates stacked up on top of it, letters with unpaid bills strewn over the surface. A dead plant stood sadly in the corner of the desk, threatening to fall down as Jongin brushed the letters out of the way.

_ "It's over there. You dropped it on the desk last night before you rushed to the bathroom to throw up into the toilet." _ Sehun was sitting on Jongin’s bed, watching him, as Jongin hectically searched for his key. He was late again, it wasn’t anything new, but Sehun was already growing tired of it.

"It has to be here somewhere." Jongin muttered, hurriedly looking through the mess he’d left behind on his desk. With a glance at the clock, his stress level rose. "Shit, I'm gonna be late."

_ "It's right over there. Just turn your head and open the first drawer." _

It was always like that. Jongin would talk to himself and Sehun would answer. The only problem was Jongin couldn’t hear him.

"Shit, I can't be late. I need that job."

Jongin’s fist hit the table, making the flower pot wobble dangerously. Sehun stood up, slowly walking past Jongin only to stop in front of the desk. The first drawer was slightly ajar. For a second, Sehun stood there, contemplating. Then he slammed it shut.

"What the fuck was that?"

Most of the time, his actions didn’t affect the real world at all. It was only in few moments, when Sehun focused really hard, that his actions would affect the world that seemed so close, yet so far. It was like he was able to break through the invisible barrier, but only for a second at a time. As satisfying as it was in these moments, the following minutes were always frustrating, too.

At the sound of the drawer hitting the wood at the back of the desk, Jongin had shrieked. His eyes had immediately wandered to the drawer.

_ "Me trying to help you." _ Sehun was leaning against the side of the desk, watching Jongin reach out and pull the drawer open.

"I swear this apartment is haunted." The man rummaged inside the drawer for a moment until a relieved sigh escaped him. "Oh damn, there's the key. What is it even doing there?" He mumbled. Sometimes Sehun was surprised how often Jongin actually talked to himself. He didn’t mind, it was the only conversation he ever got, and even that was pretty one-sided, to say the least.

"Doesn't matter, I'm late." With another look at the clock on the wall, Jongin straightened up and buckled his bag. He needed to get this job, otherwise, he’d have a problem paying rent the next month.

When the door fell shut behind him, Sehun was alone again. It didn’t hurt him anymore, not like it used to.

The job interview didn’t go well. And the one after that didn’t either, and the one after that too. Every single call that Jongin received was one filled with excuses that the man no longer believed. Sehun didn’t blame him.

"Yes, I understand that, sir, there's no need to apologize to me. I'll find something else, I know there were many applicants for the job."

Jongin was slumped over his desk, his phone in hand. Sehun was still in awe with the device. Sometimes he wished he could take it into his hand, use it and scroll through the apps just like Jongin did, but all he could do was sit next to the other and watch as he scrolled through an app called Instagram that had immediately called Sehun’s attention. _ So many pretty pictures, _ Sehun had thought, _ is that what the world looks like now? _

"Yes. Yes, thank you."

Jongin sounded polite, but exhausted. The mess on his desk was a little more organized than just a few days ago, but the flower looked even worse than before. Dead leaves were lying on the ground, and Sehun couldn’t help but feel sad upon looking at them. The sight of Jongin was worse though.

"Goodbye."

Putting down his phone, Jongin stared at it for a moment before he suddenly threw it onto the bed where it bounced off and crashed into the wall.

"Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Jongin cursed, but Sehun knew that it wasn’t because of the phone.

Staring at his hands, Jongin took a deep breath. "I'm useless, I can't even get a freaking job at the grocery store. What's wrong with me?" Burying his face in his arms, Jongin let out something between a sob and dry laughter.

Next to him, the newspaper that he’d picked up earlier in the subway fell down to the ground.

"Shit, I shouldn't have left the window open. The wind is awful today."

Sehun stood next to the desk, watching as Jongin bent down to pick up the newspaper that he’d just pushed off the table. Ironically, Sehun deemed it quite fitting that his only way to communicate with Jongin was causing havoc. Pushing down newspapers, shutting doors… It was the only thing that he could do to catch the other’s attention, while his attention, in return, was always on Jongin. It was just slightly unfair, but what exactly could you do if you were dead?

"Kinda ironic for it to land on the page with job offers..." Jongin was still bent over, his eyes now focused on the page on which the newspaper had landed. Coincidentally, it was the one with the job offers. Sehun certainly had _ nothing _ to do with that.

Straightening up, Jongin examined the page with the job offers. Most of them weren’t exactly of interest to him, but by now, he was pretty desperate. A month ago, his boss had fired him for coming in late for the sixth consecutive day. Jongin couldn’t even blame him, but he’d still beenl pretty annoyed when he had to clear his desk at the shitty teleshopping agency where he had to pick up phone calls of old ladies wanting to buy the latest microfibre cleaning rag.

There was an offer for a job at a café that had caught Jongin’s interest. It was marketed as the perfect part-time job for students, so technically, Jongin was the perfect guy for it even though it’d been a while since he’d actually seen the inside of his lecture halls at uni. "It's worth a try." He shrugged, grumbling when he remembered that he had to get up to grab his phone that he’d so carelessly thrown away just a minute ago.

After a few rings, someone picked up the phone. Jongin’s expression lit up.

"Hello, I saw your offer in the newspaper and I'm wondering if you're still looking for a part-timer for your café." A short pause, and Sehun leaned closer.

"Really?" The expression on Jongin’s face was hopeful. It suited him a lot better than the frowns he’d been wearing lately, Sehun thought.

"Yes, that's brilliant, actually, I'd love to come by. Tomorrow? Yes, great."

With a smile, Jongin put down the phone. Looking at the window, he grinned.

"I guess there's still something like fate, huh?" He mused out loud. "The wind wanted to help me."

Maybe it wasn’t so much as fate, but rather the spirit of a dead boy helping another poor soul out, but Sehun was gonna take every compliment he could get. In the world of the undead, they weren’t very common.

Life continued, at least for Jongin. He ended up actually getting the job, and that night when he came back from his first shift, Sehun celebrated with him, even though it was a quiet celebration, at least on his side. Jongin fell asleep with an empty bottle of wine in his hands, the hip hop music blasting from his speakers still on full volume. In his sleep, he didn’t hear the angry knocks of their neighbour and the yells through the door telling him to turn down the volume.

In the end, it was Sehun who did it, his powers just enough to lower the volume to a bearable level. Jongin didn’t notice, and in the morning when he woke up, he didn’t even remember ever turning the music on.

It wasn’t like Jongin was a heavy drinker. It was normal for people his age, having a beer here, a shot there – there was nothing wrong with his consumption. That was what Jongin told himself at least, but Sehun begged to differ.

While his drinking had been bearable at first, it got progressively worse over the time that Jongin lived in the flat. In the beginning, Jongin only drank when he was with friends. Nowadays, he also drank when he was alone. Sometimes, there were even small pills lying around freely on his desk, and Sehun didn’t have to think twice to figure out that those were drugs.

What bothered him the most was that Sehun had no idea why Jongin was hurting himself like that. Scratch that, actually, what bothered him the most was that he couldn’t talk to him, at least not in the way he would have wanted to. But not knowing what was up with the other certainly came next. It seemed like Sehun wasn’t the only one who had trouble finding out what was going on with Jongin.

In the course of the past three months – that was the time Jongin had been living in the flat – Jongin had had many friends over. Lately, there were less people coming by, mostly people were around when Jongin threw yet another party. There used to be friends visiting him, just for a chat or even some uni work, but lately Jongin didn’t really bother to pick up his books again, and it seemed like he preferred being on his own most of the time, too.

In the end, he was never really alone, but Jongin didn’t know that. Only Sehun knew, and with him, the secret was well hidden.

Another party night. Music was booming through the speakers, but Sehun had long stopped wondering when someone was going to kick Jongin out because of continuous noise assault and periodically late rent payments. It was in his favour, the way that the neighbours seemed to have given up on the complaints, because Sehun didn’t want Jongin to move out of the room.

Objectively, he wasn’t the most pleasant occupant of the room by far, but subjectively, Sehun was certain that he was the most interesting out of all of them.

So here he was, sitting on Jongin’s bed with three other people that he didn’t know the names of and that couldn’t see, hear, or feel him. It was a pity, Sehun thought, how he could do nothing but watch as they poured shot after shot without ever being able to taste the burn of the liquid on his tongue. Although he liked these events, as noisy as they were, Sehun was more the afterlife of the party.

From the bathroom, he could hear familiar noises. The conversation was heated, words slurred as they were spit out. Sehun stood up and hurried to the door to press his ear against it. No matter how often he tried to pull down the handle of the door to the room, he wouldn’t be able to enter even if the door stood wide open. Therefore, Sehun could only listen as the argument in the small room continued.

"I'm sorry, Jongin, but I can't watch you doing this to yourself anymore. Do you even look at yourself in the mirror nowadays?"

Inside the room, Kyungsoo was sitting on the edge of the bathtub. Whoever had decided to squish a bathtub instead of a shower into the tiny bathroom hadn’t been in their right mind, but Jongin had never complained. Sometimes, he spent hours in the tub, just soaking while listening to music with no one’s company but that of a bottle of wine.

"Are you trying to say I look ugly?" A raise of an eyebrow. Jongin fixated his best friend, not sure whether this was going to turn into a lecture or not. He was way too buzzed for this, but quite honestly, he wouldn’t want to have this conversation while being sober either.

Kyungsoo shook his head. There was a look in his eyes, and Jongin knew that it wasn’t even anger. It was disappointment, and the knowledge of that hurt even more than Kyungsoo screaming at him would have.

"I'm trying to say you look like shit.” Kyungsoo stated calmly. "The eyebags under your eyes are fucking insane, your skin lost its glow, your eyes... You changed, Jongin."

Silence spread between them. Somewhere behind the door, loud laughter flared up.

"I didn't change, I'm just letting myself relax a little at the moment?" Jongin’s response sounded more than a question than a statement. Who he wanted to convince with that, he didn’t know. Kyungsoo was too smart for this, he’d always been.

"You call that relaxing? Partying every weekend, snorting coke off of some random dude's abs, drinking rum coke for breakfast? That's not relaxing, Jongin, that's suicide."

Jongin winced. Having your flaws pointed out always hurt, no matter how rightful the other person’s complaints were. The truth hurt, and Jongin wasn’t sure how much more pain he could take.

"You don't know what you're talking about." He muttered instead, looking away. Unfortunately, the turn of his head made him look right into the mirror behind him.

Dark eyes with even darker eyebags stared back at him and Jongin swallowed, quickly averting his eyes.

"I think I do, though. You don't know what I'm talking about though. You don't even see how much this takes a toll on you. And honestly, I can't take seeing you destroying yourself like this. It hurts, Jongin."

There weren’t many moments in his life that he’d seen Kyungsoo close to tears, but whenever he did, it touched a part of his soul that he’d thought had long been buried. It was like those times when you could see it in your mother’s eyes that you’d failed her or the pain in your father’s eyes when you knew that nothing that you did now could change what the future held for you.

Seeing Kyungsoo with glistening eyes was worse than all the headaches, all the hangovers and maybe, even his heartache.

"So what? Are you gonna leave now?" The cocktail of feelings somehow hadn’t reached his words, because Jongin’s words were void of any emotion. It surprised him how cold he sounded, and Jongin wondered if it was even him talking.

Slowly, Kyungsoo rose up to his feet. He didn’t meet his eyes when he took a step towards Jongin. "Maybe I should, yes."

A stab, right into his gut. Kyungsoo still stood there, motionless, but it felt like his words had pierced his intestines, messing him up from the inside. Jongin wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, and most of all, he wanted to have Kyungsoo just pull him into a hug.

But all he did was push him away, just like he had all the times that Kyungsoo had tried to talk to him before.

"Well, yes, maybe you fucking should. You can leave if you really think like that about me, I don't need to hear that from you." His voice grew louder and louder with every word until it felt like it was someone else talking. Maybe it was the devil inside of him, his personal demon, but he spoke in Jongin’s voice, yet his words didn’t carry the message of his heart.

"Jongin-" Kyungsoo had taken a step back when the pitch of Jongin’s voice had risen. His legs hit the edge of the bathtub, and he struggled to keep his balance.

"Fucking leave, okay? I don't wanna see you right now." His last words were merely a hiss, but the message was clear. A switch had been flicked inside of him, and he no longer allowed any emotions, at least until the wall that he was hiding behind would crumble and fall.

Kyungsoo opened his mouth, but closed it again. It only took him three steps until he stood in front of the door, his back turned to Jongin.

"That's what I meant. Lately I've been asking myself if you're even the same person that I met all these years ago. Who are you, Jongin?"

Looking back one last time, he watched as Jongin stared at himself in the mirror, eyes empty. With his hand on the door handle, Kyungsoo wondered if this was the end of them.

After Kyungsoo had left, Jongin didn’t do anything for a minute or two. He just stared, stared and stared, and stared until he couldn’t recognize himself in the mirror anymore.

"Who am I?" He whispered, because the man inside the mirror no longer reminded him of himself. Maybe Kyungsoo had been right, after all.

When Jongin left the room, there was a smirk etched to his lips. Sehun knew that it was a fake one, because it didn’t reach Jongin’s eyes. Following him through the room, he watched as Jongin headed straight for the drinks, and Sehun knew that it was going to be a long night once again.

It wasn’t rare for Jongin to have guys over. He’d watched Jongin have sex multiple times by now, but every time he was still in awe of the broken beauty that Kim Jongin was. He reminded him a little of a red rose that was slowly losing its petals, one by one, until it was bare, stripped to the core and exposed to the world.

The night when Kyungsoo had left the party early after their argument, Jongin had drunk until all that he wanted was the comfort of a body on top of him, inside him. The guy that had stayed with him didn’t use a condom, and in the morning, when Jongin woke up next to a puddle of puke, he felt dirty.

It didn’t stop him from randomly hooking up with men whenever he got wasted. Just three weeks later, there was another party in his tiny apartment. Kyungsoo wasn’t there, and Sehun knew that Jongin had deleted the other man’s number and their chat from his phone.

It was a pity, Sehun thought. He’d liked Kyungsoo. He’d been good for Jongin, even if the other didn’t seem to have realized it. Or maybe he had,but now it was too late.

"Lift up your shirt." The man, Jongin didn’t even remember his name, was grinning at him. Jongin was lying on his bed, staring up at the familiar stranger with half-lidded eyes that he knew looked sexy.

"Wait, wait..." Jongin pretended to be overwhelmed, but his fingers sneaked under his shirt, scrunching the fabric upwards until it revealed smooth skin and hard muscles.

"Shit, I didn't know you had abs, dude." The guy sounded impressed, and Sehun couldn’t blame him. He was watching too, feeling like a voyeur, which he technically was, but no one could exactly blame him. Even if he closed his eyes, he would still be able to hear, and Jongin was a sin that permeated all senses.

"Now you know. You can touch." Jongin purred and looked at the guy through his lashes. Even though many things had gone down the drain in the past year, Jongin was still confident in his seduction skills. Until now, they’d never failed him.

"Let me grab the Bacardi." Although Sehun couldn’t understand how a man could make Jongin wait in favour of grabbing alcohol, he took the opportunity to sit down on the bed next to Jongin. He never touched him, but this way he could look at him, search his eyes for any type of discomfort. There wasn’t any, and Sehun would feel relieved if it weren’t for the haze in Jongin’s eyes.

"Don't you think you should slow down?" A shadow had fallen upon them, and when Sehun looked up, Taemin stood there, looking unimpressed with the whole situation.

Just like Kyungsoo, Taemin was one of Jongin’s close friends. When Jongin had just moved in, he’d been there for regular movie nights that had been eventually swapped out for irregular party nights. Sehun had liked the movie nights better, because he could pretend that he was invited too, sitting on Jongin’s bed together as the small group of friends watched movie after movie on Jongin’s old TV.

"Why?” A frown began to form on Jongin’s face, and he had to squint at Taemin because the light of the ceiling lamp was blinding him. Like this it looked a little bit like a halo on Taemin’s head. “I'm just starting to have a good time."

"You're wasted." Taemin shot back.

"He's right." The guy whose name Jongin still couldn’t remember had returned to the bed, a bottle of Bacardi in his hand. Sehun couldn’t see any glasses and it left him confused.

"I'm just tipsy." The pout that formed on Jongin’s lips was adorable and irresistible at the same time. Before Taemin could reply, Jongin had sat up, his T-shirt sliding down to cover most of his midriff again as he called into the room.

"Hey, who's up for another round of body shots?"

Taemin looked positively alarmed.

"You don't even know half these people."

"Why don't you let me have fun?" With a wave of his hand, Jongin reached for the bottle. "Hand me the tequila." He told the guy, unaware that it wasn’t even tequila that the guy had brought. In the end it didn’t matter, because the bottle that the guy had just been about to hand to Jongin was already in Jongin’s palms when Sehun gave it a soft push, effectively tipping it over, so that all its contents spilled onto the stranger’s shirt.

In the end, he couldn’t really tell if he’d done that to stop Jongin from drinking more or to prevent the other man from touching Jongin and leave him behind like all of the other men, but it didn’t really matter anyway.

"Fuck, do you know how fucking expensive this shirt was?" The guy immediately started cursing. All the other people had turned their heads, the sudden outburst having caught their attention.

Jongin only stared at the bottle that had slipped form his fingers, unsure of what had just happened.

"No, but you'll probably tell me." He looked at the guy, hoping that his winning smile would help soothe him. It seemed like even his charms were unable to help him this time though.

Before Jongin could do anything, Taemin had stepped between Jongin and the guy who’d been about to grab Jongin by his collar.

"Taemin, don't-" Jongin was starting to feel panicky, but his best friend didn’t move an inch, still blocking the way between the angry man and Jongin.

"What? Do you think I'm scared of that guy?" He asked Jongin, his voice mocking. It probably hadn’t been the best idea, because Jongin could only get out a "No, but-" before he was cut off when the guy roughly shoved Taemin out of the way to get to Jongin who’d ‘ruined his designer shirt’.

Immediately, chaos erupted in the room. There were so many hands shoving and pulling, and there were definitely a few punches thrown, but Sehun only had eyes for Jongin who’d fallen off the bed in an attempt to scramble away from the angry man.

In the end, they managed to kick the guy out. Taemin had a black eye, and after the trouble, nobody really felt like staying and partying any longer. Even Taemin headed home, although Jongin offered him to stay and take care of his rapidly swelling eye, but the other had just shaken his head, muttering about needing some time on his own.

When the door fell shut behind the last person, Jongin looked around the room, and for the first time, he really saw the mess that his life had become.

Half empty, half full bottles were strewn over the ground. There was a wet stain on the carpet where the Bacardi had soaked into it, and Jongin wondered if it would leave traces behind after it had dried. Cigarette stubs littered his desk, the small table beside his bed. Even a line of cocaine was left behind, forgotten and oh so tempting.

For a moment, Jongin considered taking it. Then he shook his head and turned towards the bathroom.

Sehun let out a sigh of relief. Even though Jongin hadn’t voiced his thoughts out loud like he sometimes did, he had fully understood the thought process in Jongin’s mind as his eyes had stopped on the line of drugs.

While Jongin stepped into the shower, Sehun blew away the line, watching as the white particles floated through the air like snowflakes until they settled somewhere on the carpet.

It probably wasn’t the fine way to create even more of a mess for Jongin, but Sehun would rather have the other cleaning a little longer than have him succumbing to his addictions once more.

When Jongin went to bed that night, he reminded Sehun a lot of himself when he had still been alive. Worn out at the crack of dawn, climbing into the sheets that had been his only safe haven.

As a ghost, Sehun didn’t have to sleep. He didn’t breathe, and he didn’t eat, he didn’t drink and he didn’t use the restroom. In the beginning, it had felt like dying a second time when Sehun realized that all of the things that had made him human had been stripped from him, but after a century, he’d adjusted.

Although he didn’t need to sleep, he decided to lie down next to Jongin that night.

Usually, he sat next to the bed, watching as the other’s breathing evened out. Only like this he could relax, knowing that Jongin was sleeping away his intoxication. The nights when he was very drunk were particularly rough. At least Jongin tended to sleep on the side, but nonetheless, Sehun was always afraid that the other would throw up and choke while he could only watch and was unable to do anything.

This night, however, Jongin seemed to have sobered up. He looked tired, younger than he had when he’d been flirting with the man that had ended up ruining his night. Sehun still didn’t regret tipping over the bottle even though it had created a little bit of trouble for Jongin. Maybe it was a little bit selfish, but at least for this night, Jongin was safe.

Sehun didn’t know why he decided to lie down next to Jongin. He couldn’t feel the heat of his body even though their shoulders were touching, but it was enough for him to just know that the other was there.

Sleep took over quickly. Jongin’s breathing evened out, the quiet huffs lulling Sehun until his eyes fell shut, too.

When Sehun had lost the ability to sleep, he also forgot how to dream. Maybe it was because his dreams went beyond what his body was, maybe because they carried all the aspirations that had left his body with his last breath, but Sehun’s nights and days were void of any dreams.

When he closed his eyes, there was only darkness.

At least, usually there was.

Noise filled his ears, and for a moment Sehun wondered if he’d just imagined that Jongin’s party had ended. But when he blinked his eyes open, he saw the crowd in front of him, felt the damp heat on his skin, Sehun knew that he was right there, in that room.

How he’d gotten there, he didn’t know. It was a bar- no, it was something else, a club, probably. One of those he’d seen on TV, bright and loud, packed with people that were grinding on each other in the lewdest ways. It was thrilling, exciting, nerve-wracking – but Sehun just felt confused.

It confused him, because he’d never been able to leave the room before, and it made him feel nervous. He probably should have felt excited, but all there was was an underlying current of anxiety running through his veins.

He took a step, then another one. Sehun was almost surprised that it worked. He sucked in a harsh breath when somebody bumped into him from behind, and his head shot around.

Someone had just _ touched _ him. _ Physically touched him _.

Sehun turned his head again, and then he saw him.

Jongin.

He was sitting at the bar, stirring his drink. Just at the thought of Jongin drinking again, Sehun frowned, subconsciously taking a step towards him.

An arm brushed against him and Sehun’s skin broke out into goose bumps. People could touch him, he could touch people! The thought suddenly filled him with such joy that he started laughing. The girl next to him gave him a weirded out side glance but Sehun didn’t even notice.

He knew that this had to be an illusion, but even if it was, he didn’t mind being caught in it if it meant he could finally feel other peoples’ touches again and more importantly, that they were aware of them.

He was an entity, fully capable of interacting with others, and Sehun loved it.

In front of him, Jongin got up from the bar. It looked like he was leaning forward though, about to order another drink, and before Sehun could really think about it, he squished through the mass of people to get to him before Jongin could tell the bartender his order.

“Hey.”

Jongin’s head turned, and Sehun felt his chest swell with indescribable joy. It was as if he’d just learned to speak again, because all the times he’d talked to Jongin the other hadn’t understood him because he simply couldn’t _ hear _ him. But now, he stood in front of him, alive and breathing and Sehun was certain that he had never felt this alive before, not even when he’d still been breathing a century ago.

“Hi.” Jongin smiled at him, poorly concealed curiosity in his eyes. He didn’t even seem to be tipsy, which Sehun appreciated.

"Do you come here often?" The words left his mouth before he could properly think about them, but he was glad for it. Most of his brain was still trying to comprehend the sudden onslaught of sensation, and Jongin didn’t seem to be weirded out by him either.

"Oh?" Jongin almost seemed surprised at the question, but then he smiled. "Yeah, kinda." He nodded. "I've never seen you around before though."

Sehun almost wanted to laugh.

"Well, it's my first time here." It felt weird talking to Jongin. He’d heard him converse with other people plenty of times, he’d listened to him murmur and yell, grumble and sing, but nothing compared to experience of hearing Jongin respond to the words that Sehun had spoken.

"I knew it. I would have remembered a pretty face like yours."

If Sehun had been excited before, Jongin’s word had just put the cherry on top. It wasn’t new to him that Jongin could be incredibly flirtatious if he wanted to be, but Sehun knew that he himself could be rather seductive too.

Although there were several things he’d rather talk about with Jongin right now, he knew that he couldn’t just dump the ‘I’m a ghost and I live in your room but you can’t see me’ info on Jongin that simply. Therefore, Sehun went for a more easy-going topic.

"You're quite the charmer..." Putting on a flirty smile, Sehun stepped a little closer. He didn’t miss Jongin appreciatively giving him a whole-body look. "What's your name?"

Only now that Jongin had eyed him appreciatively, he realized that he wasn’t wearing the clothes he’d been wearing for the past hundred years. In the lose shirt with almost see-through fabric and the thin, run-down pants, he certainly wouldn’t have fitted into the setting of the club anyways. Instead, Sehun was now clad in tight black jeans, much like the ones Jongin liked to wear. In addition to that, he was sporting a simple white T-Shirt. Sehun had no idea how he looked, but the cut of the clothing would certainly compliment his body shape which he knew was appealing.

"I'm Jongin." The other replied. The drink that he had wanted to order seemed long forgotten, and Sehun felt satisfied. "And you?"

Holding out his hand for Jongin to shake, Sehun introduced himself. "Nice to meet you, Jongin. I'm Sehun." He’d imagined this moment several times by now, but never had it included him being in a club together with Jongin like a normal, breathing human being.

Jongin hummed. "Sehun... I see. Would you like to have a drink, Sehun?"

Trying to hide the scowl that had intended to scrunch up his features, Sehun managed to keep his face stoically calm just in time.

"A drink?" He asked, shaking his head while maintaining a smile. "Ah, no. Thank you. I don't really drink."

Jongin raised a brow. "Oh do you now..." He hummed, glancing at the bar before he turned towards Sehun once again. "Aren't you here for some fun then?"

Just with a look from Jongin, Sehun knew that the game was on. It was the look he’d sent other men before him, and Sehun had seen it plenty of times, but nonetheless it still had the desired effect on him.

"I believe there are plenty ways to have fun other than drinking, Jongin." He smiled, running a hand through his hair in a way that he knew looked good. Two could play this game, and Sehun loved winning.

Jongin grinned. "I guess so..." With a glance at the dancefloor, Jongin wetted his lips. "Well, why don't you show me what kind of fun you're thinking of?"

Apparently, they both seemed to have the same idea of _ fun. _

There were hands wrapped around Sehun’s waist, fingers shoved into the pocket at the back of his pants, and if Sehun had thought he felt alive when he’d just been talking with Jongin, he’d never been more wrong.

Like this, wrapped up in the other’s arms in the middle of a crowd of moving bodies was where Sehun could feel each heartbeat as if it was his last. Only that it was in no way anxiety-inducing but on the contrary, Sehun was sure he’d never felt better.

Jongin’s lips were on his neck, pressed against his pulse point where Jongin could feel the intensity of Sehun’s heartbeat. He wanted to tell Jongin about how amazing this was, about how he could hear the blood rush in his veins, but he didn’t. Instead, he tilted up Jongin’s chin and crashed their lips together. In the end, the kiss spoke a million more words than he ever could have, and Sehun sighed when Jongin licked into his mouth.

There were still fingers groping at his ass, and Jongin pushed back into it. His senses felt like they were on fire, but Sehun had never loved being burned alive that much. A leg found its way between Sehun’s thighs, and he groaned when it brushed against his crotch.

He was hard, unbearably so, and there was no doubt that Jongin was aware of it.

“I wanna take you home. Can I?” Jongin’s lips had parted from his only to move on to whisper into his ear.

At the mention of the room though, Sehun visible flinched. Jongin pulled back a little and giggled, obviously thinking that his breath against Sehun’s sensitive skin had been the trigger. But it wasn’t, it had been the thought of having to return to the room again, his personal cage, that had made Sehun shriek. Just the mention of it made his gut ache.

“Hm… too far. Restroom.” Was all Sehun whispered in returned, and before he could register the surprised widening of Jongin’s eyes, he’d already grabbed the other’s palm and led him out of the crowd, not even knowing where said restrooms were located.

Apparently, he was headed to the wrong direction because Jongin quickly corrected their course, pulling him towards a door where a man came tumbling out of. They avoided him with a quick step to the side.

Upon entering the room, Sehun noticed two things.

One, the light of the restroom was surprisingly comfortable. Instead of bright, white lights there were softer lights installed in the bathroom, almost tinting the whole scene into a dark orange tone.

Second, Sehun stared at his own reflection in the mirror for the first time in a century.

Right in front of the door, two large mirrors were located above a row of sinks. Sehun’s eyes fell upon his own reflection, and he halted. Jongin almost walked into him, surprised when Sehun couldn’t stop staring at himself.

Many years had passed, wars had been won and lost, whole cities had been built and new countries had been forced, but Sehun looked no different than what he had a century ago. The same dark brown eyes stared back at him through the dirty mirror, the same set of lashes fanned over his cheeks as he blinked. There was still the mole on his neck, the scar on his cheek – everything was exactly the same.

In this moment, Sehun wondered how so many things could change within while the outer shell remained the same.

A pair of arms wrapped around his waist from behind, and he could feel Jongin pulling himself against his chest. There was a noticeable bulge pressed against his ass, and Sehun let out a low moan. It had been forever, and just the thought of getting intimate with Jongin set his senses on fire. In just a second, all his thoughts were forgotten and the only thing that remained on his mind was _ Jongin _.

It took them a few steps until they had made it to a stall where Sehun pushed Jongin against the wall, sinking to his knees before Jongin had even had time to fully lock the door.

“Sehun-“ He started when the other had already began unbuckling his pants, but Sehun knew that Jongin simply couldn’t _ understand. _

A century of deprivation of touch, a century of being void of any physical affection – Sehun felt starved.

Reaching into Jongin’s pants, he pulled out his cock. At the sight of it, he moaned, feeling his own cock inside of his pants twitch.

“You’re so eager…” Jongin’s fingers had found their way into Sehun’s pants, stroking through the black strands as Sehun moved his hand up and down Jongin’s length as if he had to re-learn how to do this. Experimentally, he leaned forward, guiding the tip of Jongin’s cock to his lips before he pressed a kiss to it.

Jongin let out a shuddery breath.

“It’s been a while.” Sehun mumbled, looking up. He’d seen the hazy eyes in Jongin’s eyes countless times before, but never had it been directed at him. Sehun’s heart swelled in his chest and he pressed his lips to the others shaft again, this time pressing more and more kisses to his cock before he let the head slip between his lips.

“Fuck.” Jongin’s head fell back with a low thump, and Sehun shifted a little to get into a more comfortable position. This was familiar territory even though it had been years since he’d last done this, but Sehun realized that it all came back to him quickly.

A flick of his wrist, and sheepish licks of his tongue were enough to drive Jongin crazy.

“What, now you’re teasing?” Jongin asked when Sehun avoided taking him fully into his mouth, but he didn’t sound reproachful. Instead the look he sent Sehun was full with adoration and a heat that Sehun could feel run down his spine and right towards his crotch.

“You like it, don’t you?” Sehun asked, pulling away from him for a moment while only stroking him. He watched as a pearl of precum gathered at the tip of Jongin’s cock and leaned in to lick it away. Jongin hummed.

“Yeah, I like it. But I would also like to feel your pretty lips around my cock.”

Sehun sucked in a harsh breath and nodded. Although he’d like the teasing, he really wanted this too so he opened his mouth, sending Jongin an inviting look as he waited for him to feed him his cock.

Jongin didn’t hesitate.

The tip of his cock brushed against Sehun’s lips, but it didn’t stay there for long. Sehun was mindful of his teeth as he wrapped his lips around the others thick girth, enjoying the slide as Jongin gave short and careful thrusts. There was still a hand in Sehun’s hair, slowly guiding him as Jongin began to make him take his cock deeper and deeper until it hit the back of Sehun’s throat for the first time.

He almost expected himself to choke, but Sehun realized that his gag reflex was still as weak as ever. Maybe he’d left in his previous life altogether, he mused.

Making sure that he was tonguing at Jongin’s cock, Sehun hollowed his cheeks and sucked. The lewd sounds of the blowjob filled the air, only barely overpowered by the booming music of the club, but Sehun didn’t care.

His ears were still ringing from the music and his knees were beginning to ache, but the heaviness of Jongin’s cock on his tongue, the throb he could feel when he flicked his tongue or swallowed around him was enough for Sehun to love every single moment of this.

“Fuck, Sehun, I’m gonna come.” The grip in Sehun’s hair had tightened. Jongin’s thighs had begun to twitch and tremble, and Sehun had known that the other wouldn’t last much longer, but hearing him voice it out made Sehun pull off and full on moan.

“Please.” He groaned, not waiting for a response before he’d taken Jongin’s cock back into his throat.

It only took a few more thrusts until Jongin’s orgasm crashed into him. Cum filled Sehun’s mouth, and he pulled away, half of Jongin’s cum landing on his face instead of in his lips. He made sure to stroke Jongin through it, trying to take in every single moan and the scrunching up on his face as Sehun milked every last drop from him.

Swallowing down the cum in his mouth, Sehun waited for a moment before he rose up to his feet again. Jongin was still panting, but he had half the mind to give Sehun a piece of toilet paper to wipe his face clean. There was cum in his eyelashes, and Sehun knew from experience that he certainly didn’t want to get into his eyes.

The moment he’d disposed the piece of toilet paper in the toilet, Jongin was already all over him. His hand was halfway down Sehun’s pants, his fingers already wrapped around the base of his cock when suddenly, the world turned black.

A pair of dark, sleepy eyes were staring right into Sehun’s. Only the moon illuminated the small room, the blinds having been forgotten to lower so that the glow of the celestial body could reach into the room and tint everything in its magical glow.

The eyes blinked. Sehun felt like Jongin was staring right into his soul. There was something about the look in his eyes that was different, something that Sehun hadn’t seen in them before.

Jongin was staring at him, and Sehun’s heart would have pounded out of it chest had it still been functioning.


	2. Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys. It's me again.  
Once again, I want to take the time to remind you to check the tags that contain the trigger warnings for this fic. It is important for me to remind you of that because I don't want to make anyone feel bad while reading my stories. At the same time, I do want to remind you that all of this is just a story, it's fiction. Please keep that in mind while reading. In the whole 25.5k, I cannot portray depression or other mental diseases. I can only show snippets of them that are not meant to represent reality or the majority. As with the first part, if there's anything that bothers you, please feel free to contact me here or on Twitter.  
Now, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter. The last one will be posted on the 31st, Halloween, since this is my Halloween fic after all.

_ The sun had just set, and the lanterns in the street had been lit up. Fewer people were still outside, the busy buzz of a long workday having died down. There was a dog barking close-by, and Sehun sometimes wished the walls of the room he housed in were thicker. _

_ When most people came home to dine with their families after working on the fields the whole day, it was time for Sehun to head to work. _

_ The air was still warm when Sehun stepped outside. Mosquitos buzzed in front of his face, and he swatted at them, so caught up in his thoughts that he almost walked past the old lady’s food stall. Her old voice, croaky and low, pulled him back to reality though, and Sehun smiled, his eyes scrunching up as she handed him a handful of still steaming dumplings. How she could afford to give them to him every single day without ever getting anything but a smile in return, Sehun didn’t know. Sure, they were leftovers, but they were still valuable. Others sold them for half the price, but this lady gave them to Sehun instead. _

_ This part of the evening, when he headed out to work and stopped by for his daily dumplings, was probably the only moment in his day when Sehun believed he could finally grasp the meaning of the word ‘family’ at least a little. _

_ Hungrily shoving one of the dumplings into his mouth, he complimented the old lady on her cooking skills as he did every single day, and then continued to make his way down the street to his destination. _

_ Every night, he walked the same streets, the same distances, but lately, he felt like his walk became longer and longer with every day. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he hadn’t had any nights off in two weeks and had even had to take the day shift too. Somehow, Sehun was sure that there was another reason for it though. _

_ All of the dumplings were gone once he’d reached the building. They should have started to taste boring after eating them every single day, but Sehun savoured their taste instead, knowing that getting to eat meat so regularly was a privilege that he couldn’t dream of ever questioning. _

_ From inside, Sehun could already hear the voices, booming, but familiar. Sometimes they wished they banned alcohol, but he wasn’t in the position to make requests. It was a pity. _

_ Sehun never took the front entrance. It was unprofessional, his boss had told him once, and Sehun had learned it the hard way in his life to better not make mistakes a second time. _

_ “Sehun, it’s good you’re here. Your first client should be here in- actually, he should be here right about now.” The voice of his boss cut through Sehun’s thoughts. With a hum and a quick bow, Sehun greeted him and then headed to the room he always used. _

_ There were many names for his profession. _

_ Prostitute. Callboy. Whore. _

_ Some of them were more appropriate, some of them were the ones he was called when people wanted to look down on him. Sehun had heard them all, and by now, they didn’t anger him anymore. There was a time when he used to cry when someone called him a whore, but now he had learned to turn it into a compliment. People wanted to have a night with him so badly that they were willing to pay money for it. Whenever he walked around the streets and heard the whispers of the housewives, Sehun knew that he’d bedded at least half of their men already, and then he didn’t feel too bad about it anymore. _

_ It hadn’t always been his job to seduce men. Before he’d discovered his effect on large parts of the population, Sehun had worked on the fields like most of the citizens of Seoul. Only when he’d just turned 19 and a man had approached them on the street, asking him if he wanted to make easy money, Sehun had wondered if his life could take an exciting turn. _

_ Exciting, it might have been, at least at first, but it certainly hadn’t been easier. _

_ Even now, there were moments where Sehun enjoyed his profession. When the client was hot, made sure that he was feeling good too or that at least he wasn’t in pain - then Sehun didn’t mind. But there were other men too, men that didn’t seem to mind when Sehun bit his lip not from pleasure but pain. _

_ There were nights that Sehun went home and felt content, and there were nights when Sehun wanted nothing more than to curl up in his bed and sleep until the sun long had risen into the sky again. _

_ He wasn’t sure what kind of night it was going to be when the foreign man stepped into the room. But in the end, it wasn’t like he had a choice anyway. _

_ _

Jongin was staring at him, and Sehun’s heart would have pounded out of his chest had it still been functioning.

Then, Jongin’s eyes fluttered shut, and the short moment in which Sehun had thought that Jongin could finally see him was over.

Sehun was left with mixed feelings. The dream – it could only have been a dream, and one of Jongin’s at that – had filled him with feelings he had thought he’d lost forever. The feeling of being alive still stuck in his bones, now a faint memory again, and Sehun mourned how easy it was to forget.

For some reason, Sehun didn’t feel right staying in bed with Jongin any longer.

Dreams were such a private, maybe even the most private possession of a human being. Maybe Jongin wouldn’t even remember the dream he’d just had, but Sehun would certainly never forget, so there was a part of him that knew something so very intimate about Jongin that made Sehun feel like he’d wronged the other.

Pacing around the room, Sehun felt torn. Jongin’s dreams were his safe space, the home of his secrets, but at the same time, Sehun couldn’t help but wish for another night like this. Another night with another opportunity to live again, to breathe again, to feel his heart beating in his chest. He wanted to hold Jongin again, dance with him, and he wanted to kiss him. Sehun wanted to feel the press of his lips, the hands on his ass and his cock on his tongue. But even worse, Sehun wanted  _ more _ .

Suddenly, a fear so deep grabbed ahold of his heart that this ‘situation’ had been one of a kind. Sehun came to the realization that maybe, he’d never be able to feel alive again. It was cruel somehow, to get a taste of something you so dearly desired, only to have it stripped from you again without knowing when you’d next be able to taste it again.

Sehun sighed, but nobody listened. On the bed, Jongin was sleeping again. In the morning he would wake up with a wet spot in his boxer briefs from where he’d come in his underwear and he would think of it as just a wet dream, just like in his teenage years.

Would he even remember Sehun?

But in the end, all of Sehun’s worries turned out to be in vain.

When Jongin went to bed the following night, Sehun decided to lie down next to him again.

The whole day, he’d spent debating whether he should allow himself, uncertain if it would even happen again, to dive into Jongin’s dreams once again. There were several arguments that supported his wish to do so, but the ones that spoke against it just wouldn’t let Sehun rest for a minute at a time.

On one hand, Sehun had already seen basically every aspect of Jongin’s life by living with him without the other knowing. Just like the first dream, it hadn’t been his intention to spy on the other, he simply just couldn’t avoid it as he was unable to leave the room. The dreams, however, were something that Sehun would actively dive into. They were the only part of Jongin’s mind, besides his thoughts ,of course, that were still hidden from Sehun. Besides that, and his life outside the apartment, which he admittedly didn’t leave as often anymore, Sehun liked to think that he knew Jongin from the inside out. After the dream, possibly even more so.

Another reason to not slip into Jongin’s dreams again, granted it worked out, was that Jongin wasn’t aware of Sehun actively entering them. Even if he was aware of Sehun in his dreams, he would just assume that he was a creation of his imagination, not a real human being – as real as you could be if you were a ghost – that willingly entered his dreams. If Sehun put it that way, not entering Jongin’s dreams was the only way to grant him a little bit of privacy as compensation for already witnessing his life during the day without Jongin being aware of it.

In the end, what convinced Sehun to act against all morality was the deep desire to feel again. Although it was an ethical dilemma, Sehun was certain that he couldn’t be blamed for feeling that way. In the end, there probably wasn’t a decision that was wrong, maybe one was more right than the other, but Sehun couldn’t help but feel that his actions were understandable.

He was stuck in eternity with only a room to call his own, and even the room didn’t belong to him anymore. He could barely interact, a pushed over bottle and a drawer squeaking here. It was a pitiful existence, and Jongin’s dreams were the only things that allowed him to escape.

Through Jongin, Sehun was able to see the world again.

And maybe it was that thought that made it human, made  _ him _ human, and Sehun knew that he’d made his decision.

It had been a calm day. Jongin had spent a large portion of it at work before he’d come home with a bag of take-out and a new plant for his room. Sehun didn’t doubt that it wasn’t going to survive for too long, but it was the thought that counted, and Sehun wondered if maybe it would bloom after all.

When Jongin went to bed, Sehun still felt a little hesitant about lying down next to him. Unlike the previous night, it took longer for the other to fall asleep, but eventually his breathing evened out and Sehun knew that it was now or never to find out if he could dive into the other’s dreams again.

Sehun closed his eyes.

The world that opened before Sehun’s eyes felt familiar, yet strange. He was at a library, that much he could guess, but other than that, it didn’t really remind him of anything he’d ever seen.

In his life, Sehun had never been to a library. He’d visited a school, although only shortly, but after dropping out to pick up a job to pay for his living when he’d been only 13 years old Sehun had never really had the time to pick up a book again before he died. Ironically, after his death he was simply incapable of physically picking up a book, so the only way he was able to get a glimpse at their insides was reading along as a person in the room was reading a book.

His plan had seemed to work out. There was no doubt that once again, he was in Jongin’s dreams, the only question now was where Jongin was. Looking around, Sehun didn’t spot him. If this was Jongin’s dream, he had to be here after all, and Sehun doubted that he could be far. Something in him told him that he was close-by, and it probably should’ve weirded him out, but it somehow only soothed him.

By now, Sehun had already forgotten about the mental conflict of entering Jongin’s dreams without his consent. Instead, something else had caught his attention.

Stopping his walk down the aisle for a second, Sehun examined the shelf to his right. There, back to back stood hundreds of book, organized in a system that he hadn’t grasped yet but certainly made sense to someone. Carefully, Sehun reached out to trace his fingers over the spines of the books. He marvelled at the feelings of different textures against the pad of his finger. His index finger landed on a random book, and although he was a little hesitant at first, Sehun pulled a book out of the shelf.

Unlike most of the other books, it’s entire cover was made from fabric. It seemed old, older than the numerous exemplars neighbouring it, but something had drawn Sehun to it as if it had called out for him. The book looked worn out, the edges already softened and the fabric on the cover looking almost a little roughed up. But to Sehun, it was the most beautiful book in the world right then.

His fingers gently opened the cover, brushing through the pages. His eyes didn’t even register the words, his body too focused on feeling.

For a century, Sehun had had the chance to discover the world, as small as his own had been, with his eyes. Now, it was time for him to  _ feel  _ again.

Leaning in, Sehun inhaled the scent of the book. He admired the way the pages felt against the pads of his fingers, how the edges cut into his skin. Sehun loved the way each turn of a page felt, how heavily the book rested in his palms. His heart swelled with so much appreciation for a book that he didn’t even know the content of, but it didn’t matter to him. Just holding the book felt like a gift from god, a spark of salvation.

"It's you again."

A voice pulled Sehun out of his thoughts. He knew that voice, it was the one he’d been looking for before he’d gotten distracted. Slowly, he turned his head, spotting Jongin just a few steps away from him.

Sehun had no idea how long Jongin had already stood there and if he’d witnessed Sehun’s weirdly appreciative fascination for a random book. If he had, he didn’t look to spooked by it, but even so, Sehun supposed that Jongin had most likely seen much stranger things in his dreams before.

"You remember me?" Although Sehun felt reluctant to do so, he carefully pushed the book back into its designated spot on the shelf. It fit perfectly in the row of so many more books that Sehun wanted to take into his palms to touch, feel,  _ experience,  _ but now there was Jongin, and he deserved all of his attention.

Jongin was still staring at him, a thoughtful gleam in his eyes. Sehun couldn’t quite decide if it tended more to the positive or the negative side.

"You were in my dream last night, too." Jongin stated matter-of-factly. "I wonder where I know you from. I once heard that you can only dream of people you met before, no matter how short or fleeting the meeting was."

Sehun tried to, but he couldn’t suppress the smile.

"Hm... I guess we must have met before then." If only Jongin knew that Sehun had met him a hundred times already, but Jongin had never realized it. He wondered if now was a good time to reveal to Jongin that he was a young prostitute that had lived and died in Jongin’s room and whose spirit had remained in those exact four walls. There was probably never a perfect time to break such news to anybody, but Sehun decided that now certainly wasn’t the moment for it either.

"I guess so." He just smiled, and Jongin seemed to accept that as an answer.

“I was just looking for a book, so…” Jongin gestured towards the shelf with a book in his hand. Sehun hadn’t noticed it before, but of course it made sense now. Jongin most likely hadn’t walked into the aisle to search for Sehun, but to look for a book instead. For a second, Sehun wondered why exactly Jongin was dreaming of a library, but then he remembered the other having muttered about an essay he still needed to finish writing because of an upcoming deadline. Possibly, this was more of a nightmare to Jongin than Sehun had originally assumed.

“Can I join you?” Sehun asked. They were talking unusually loudly for them to be in a library, but it was a dream, so maybe library rules didn’t apply to those.

“Huh? Oh yeah sure. There’s enough space at the table I’m sitting at.” Jongin nodded.

He seemed a lot less flirty than he’d been at the club. Maybe it was due to the setting, libraries weren’t necessarily confidence-boosting or considered a sexy environment, but at least it seemed like the other was somewhat interested in Sehun’s presence.

As he followed Jongin down the isle of the library that seemed unnaturally long, Sehun wondered if Jongin recalled that Jongin had given him a blowjob in a club restroom. Since Jongin had easily recognized him, he was sure that he did, but so far, he hadn’t shown it.

After walking down the aisle for what seemed to be several minutes, they finally reached something that looked like a large space filled with more shelves and tables. There weren’t many people around, but the ones that were there all had their backs turned to them so that Sehun couldn’t see their faces. He wondered if they even had faces.

"What are you up to?" He asked Jongin who’d sat down at the table next to him. Originally, Sehun had intended to sit down opposite of him, but like this he could get a better look at what Jongin was doing. Maybe, just maybe, he’d also chosen to sit beside him because that meant that he was closer to him.

In the middle of the table sat Jongin’s laptop. A word document was opened. Several books were strewn out over the table. Curiously, Sehun leaned forward to examine their titles, but Jongin’s voice made him look up and focus on him instead.

"I was writing my essay but I just- I feel like going home. It's so... Boring." Pointing at his laptop, Jongin let out a sigh and leaned back against his chair.

"But you need to hand it in, right?" Sehun was well aware that this was just a dream and that whatever essay Jongin was working on was just a creation of his mind, but it still bothered him that Jongin had seemed to adopt the same mindset he was sporting in real life in his dreams as well.

At the mention of having to hand in his essay, Jongin looked positively annoyed. "Yeah, of course. But to be honest, I don't really care at this point. It's just a hassle." With a shrug, he leaned back on his chair so much that Sehun was afraid that he was going to topple over.

"You don't enjoy your studies?”

A quiet laugh escaped Jongin. "Not really. I mean, essays are barely ever fun. But yeah, this isn't really what I-" He cut himself off. To Sehun, it seemed as if he’d been just about to blurt out something that Jongin wasn’t willing to admit to himself just yet, but Sehun decided not to push it.

"Let's not talk about this, it's depressing." Jongin continued. "Wanna grab a drink somewhere?"

Sehun raised a brow. "No, not really. I don't drink, remember." There had been a chance that Jongin had simply meant grabbing some coffee, but judging by the reaction, Sehun had guessed correctly that Jongin had indeed intended to go for alcoholic drinks instead.

With a pout, Jongin leaned forward again, placing his arms on the table just to rest his chin on top of them. "How do you remember you were in my dream though?"

"Dreams don't follow any rules, Jongin."

At that, Jongin hummed.

"I guess you're right. So why should I finish this essay then?"

"Because you have to."

"But I don't want to."

Technically, Jongin was right. They were in Jongin’s dream, there was no real need to finish the essay. They could be doing things that were way more entertaining, Sehun wasn’t lacking ideas, but somehow he felt like Jongin adopting his poor life choices when it came to his university work ethic even in his dreams wouldn’t really help him in the morning when he’d wake up. There was this tiny spark of hope inside of Sehun that believed that if Jongin was productive in his dreams and actually had a successful, wholesome learning experience, he might adopt that in his real life. It was a far-fetched idea, but Sehun wasn’t ready to let it go just yet.

"For every paragraph you write, I promise I'll you a reward."

One of Jongin’s eyebrows shot up and he turned his head to look at Sehun. "A reward?" He wondered, tilting his head a little. "What kind of reward?"

A small smirk appeared on Sehun’s lips, and he scooted a little closer to Jongin with his chair. "You'll find out soon enough. Now get down to writing."

“Fuck.”

The palm that was curled around Jongin’s leaking cock was wet with lube, easing the slide as Sehun stroked the other slowly, but rhythmically.

By reward, Sehun had meant giving Jongin the most frustrating hand job he’d ever had under the table in the library. Since it was a dream, it had only taken a wish from Jongin for some lube to magically appear on the table, so once Jongin had managed to get another paragraph of his essay down, Sehun had started to fulfil his side of the agreement.

For every paragraph, Sehun would tease Jongin until he deemed the other either too close to coming or too slow in writing for his liking.

“I mean I’d love for you to fuck me, but I don’t think a library is the best place for that. Also, you’re not done with your essay just yet.”

The fingers around Jongin’s cock came to a halt, and Jongin whined.

“Sehun-“ He breathed, but Sehun effectively shut him up with a sloppy, but very satisfying kiss.

“I think it’s time for the next paragraph.” Sehun whispered against his lips when they parted, and Jongin groaned in despair.

Still, he managed to get down a good portion of text before Sehun decided to reward him again. Jongin had been so focused on getting on with his assignment so that he would finish quickly that he hadn’t noticed Sehun’s hand getting closer again underneath the table. Only when Sehun’s fingers brushed against his length did he let out a noise of surprise, a stuttering breath leaving him when Sehun’s fingers curled around his cock again.

“B-but the paragraph.” Jongin stuttered, and Sehun hummed.

“Yeah. See it as encouragement. I promise I won’t distract you too much.”

Originally, Sehun had intended to only touch Jongin in the breaks in-between paragraphs. However, now that he had a hot and bothered Jongin in front of him, more than half hard and panting for him, he couldn’t quite keep his fingers off him. Maybe Sehun’s offer to help him and motivate him had been a little more self-indulgent than he’d liked to admit at first.

Jongin was startled when Sehun’s thumb brushed over the sensitive spot underneath the tip of his cock. Sehun was pleased by his reaction, a surge of heat crashing into him when Jongin let out a low moan as Sehun continued to tease him, running his palm up and down his shaft.

“I can’t… concentrate like this.” Jongin mumbled, and Sehun belatedly realized that he was right. Ever since he’d put his hands on him again, Jongin had only managed to write one more sentence, and it hadn’t even been a good one. With a pout, Sehun let go of him again, only to come up with a new idea.

As Jongin began to type again after a short moment of trying to catch his breath, Sehun sunk beneath the table, effectively ruining Jongin’s efforts to focus once again.

“Sehun-“ he started but the other had no intention of touching him just yet. Instead, Sehun got comfortable between Jongin’s legs as the other continued to type, however, Sehun made sure that he didn’t touch Jongin just yet.

While he listened to Jongin tap away on the keyboard, he could watch Jongin’s cock softening. He pitied it, but there was no doubt that he could get Jongin hard again in record time. There wasn’t much of the essay left, Jongin had been working on the conclusion already, so if he hurried, Sehun would have all the time to reward the other.

“I think I’m done.”

The voice that came from above the table sounded surprised by their own words, and Sehun couldn’t help but chuckle.

“You  _ think _ you’re done?”

“I am done. It just feels… surreal. I can’t remember the last time I finished an essay.”

Now that made Sehun wonder how Jongin hadn’t dropped out of university just yet, but he wasn’t going to mention that now. Instead, Jongin deserved a reward, because he’d done what Sehun had asked for and deserved a treat from Sehun.

“I can’t exactly check right now if you’re really done, but you sounded so surprised by yourself that I can’t help but believe you.”

By now, Jongin’s cock was mostly soft. When Sehun’s finger ghosted over the pants of his jeans – he’d only pulled his cock free from his pants earlier – Jongin shivered. Sehun soaked up all of his reactions, no matter how small they were. He loved it, every single whimper to straight-up moans, almost unnoticed twitches to full-on shivers, Sehun wanted to draw them all out of Jongin. The thought that he was the one drawing them out of him filled him with a kind of heat that he hadn’t felt in forever. It gave him the kind of power that he used to have over men, and the taste of his old life, as bland as it had tasted back then, now felt like one of the most delicious flavours he’d ever tasted.

When his fingers curled around Jongin’s cock, he could hear the other shutting the laptop on top of him. Jongin’s cock felt hot against his fingers, and Sehun wanted to press his lips to the velvety smooth skin already but he forced himself to refrain from it just yet.

There was still lube left on Jongin’s cock, some of it having dried a little. Sehun added a little more to his palm to ease the slide and when he wrapped his hand around Jongin’s cock again, Jongin hissed at the easy slide.

Sehun waited until Jongin was fully hard again before he leaned close enough for his breath to hit the skin of Jongin’s cock. It twitched under his ministrations, and with satisfaction, Sehun watched a bead of precum gather at the head.

When he wrapped his lips around the tip of Jongin’s cock, a hand slid into his hair. Jongin’s grip was tight, but Sehun laughed at the feeling of it, thriving on the slight burn against his scalp where Jongin was pulling on his hair. Sehun almost wanted to pull away to tell him to pull harder, but he didn’t want to let go of his cock again just yet. Instead, Sehun let his length slide further into his mouth. There was still some lube left, but it didn’t taste like anything, so Sehun tried to ignore it in favour of enjoying the weight of Jongin’s cock against his tongue.

By the time Jongin’s cock hit the back of his throat, Jongin’s grip in his hair tightened again and Sehun let out a moan, the vibrations against Jongin’s cock sending a shiver down the other’s spine.

“Fuck, how are you so good at this?” Jongin mumbled above him and Sehun almost choked. Now certainly wasn’t the time to tell him about his former occupation, but with a pair of lips wrapped around Jongin’s cock, he probably didn’t mind not getting an answer to that.

Instead, Sehun only hummed. Beginning to build up a fast rhythm, Sehun started to bob his head. Whenever his lips weren’t covering the length of Jongin’s shaft, he made up with it by using his palm. He could taste more of the other’s precum on his tongue, and Sehun realized that his own cock was once again throbbing in his pants. He realized that for the second time already, he was on his knees in Jongin’s dreams to suck him off, but Sehun knew that he wouldn’t want it any other way.

There was still such a new sensation in being able to have bodily contact with another human being that Sehun wanted to savour every single moment of it.

However, it seemed like Jongin wasn’t going to last much longer. His breathing had picked up, and judging by the way his thighs had begun to tremble, he was approaching his orgasm quicker than Sehun had hoped.

“Sehun-“ Jongin just managed to get out as a warning before he spilled down Sehun’s throat. For a moment, Sehun thought he had to pull away so he wouldn’t choke, but then he swallowed, his lips suctioned around Jongin’s thick length as spurt after spurt of hot cum pulsed from his cock.

Only when Jongin was shaking from aftershocks already, Sehun pulled off. Wiping his mouth, he stayed on the floor for a moment before he climbed up from under the table, a little less elegantly than he had hoped for.

He’d half expected the dream to end after Jongin’s orgasm again. But when Jongin was looking at him, a kind of heat in his eyes that hadn’t vanished even after his orgasm, Sehun wondered if maybe he would finally get to feel Jongin’s touch on him too.

It still took him by surprise when Jongin pulled him in for a kiss. He’d already tucked himself back into his pants again, so when he pulled Sehun into his lap all of a sudden, the other wasn’t worried about squishing his dick. Instead, he fully focused on the way Jongin licked into his mouth, his hips grinding down against Jongin on their own accord.

It had been so long that Sehun had felt this kind of pleasure. When Jongin placed his palm on his cock over the fabric of his jeans, Sehun mewled, having to pull away from the kiss to bury his face against his neck when Jongin massaged his cock through his pants.

“Fuck, you’re big.” Jongin mumbled as he mapped out Sehun’s cock with his fingers. Sehun only let out a whine, too focused on rutting his hips against Jongin’s palm.

Before Jongin could get his cock out of his pants, Sehun tensed and spilled into his underwear. A drawn-out moan escaped him, and he could feel Jongin let out a surprised breath when he realized that Sehun had just come in his pants.

“Wow…” He mumbled, and Sehun felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

“It’s been a while…” Sehun managed to get out once he had come down from his high.

“It’s okay. To be honest, that was kinda hot.” Jongin smiled and tilted Sehun’s chin up to kiss him again. Just when their lips were about to touch, everything suddenly faded to black again.

Sehun knew how to use his body to make other people lose their mind. There was just something about the way it made him feel when he knew that someone wanted him, wanted something that he knew he could give them better than any other person. There came a certain empowerment with it, and although Sehun had often felt small as he’d worked through nights and endless nights, there were also those moments were he felt like he was on top of the world, riding on a wave of euphoria that Sehun seemed to only feel at those times.

The last time he’d felt that way had been when he’d still been alive. Now, it had been Jongin who’d allowed him to feel the same again, maybe even just the slightest bit better.

After Sehun had slipped out of Jongin’s dream, by accident – he still didn’t know how any of this worked, Jongin had seemingly woken up for a moment but then fallen asleep again right away. Sehun considered following right back into his dreams again, but then he sat up, watching Jongin as he rolled around on the mattress. When his blanket slid down, Sehun automatically reached out to pull it up for him again only to realize that it didn’t work.

A familiar kind of sadness began to spread in Sehun’s guts again, and he wondered if this was the price he had to pay for being able to experience the feeling of being alive again, having the chance to live the ups before falling down even lower than he had before. There was just something so torturously cruel about having access to something only for it to be taken from you again.

Sehun sighed, the wind carrying away the sound through the open window. It wasn’t like anyone could’ve heard him either way.

The following day, Jongin actually sat down and worked on the essay that had not only been due in his dreams. He spent most of the morning and early afternoon on writing page after page before he had to head to work. Sehun couldn’t remember ever feeling that proud of Jongin.

It would be a lie if he said that he only offered sexual favours to Jongin in his dreams to make him finish that essay. Of course, it was one of the driving momentums, that’s what he tried to tell himself at least to soothe his morale, but at the end of the day, Sehun couldn’t deny that he had just wanted to feel Jongin’s skin on his own again.

Therefore, it was no surprise that he once again joined Jongin in bed that night. He couldn’t believe that only after one hundred years he’d discovered his ability to slip into other people’s dreams. It could have brought him so much more entertainment, so much more life quality – or rather afterlife quality – that Sehun couldn’t help but feel a little annoyed at himself for only noticing now.

However, all those negative thoughts vanished the moment he slipped into Jongin’s dreams again, the blackness of the night turning into vibrant colours right in front of his eyes.

When Sehun blinked his eyes open, nothing about his surroundings had changed besides the fact that it seemed to be morning. The sun was shining through the windows, already high up in the sky so that it suggested that it was rather midday than morning. It wasn’t unusual for Jongin to wake up late, so Sehun shouldn’t have been surprised hadn’t it been for the fact that he was lying in bed with said man, the other’s very much solid back pressed to his own also very solid chest.

For a second, Sehun had almost believed that he’d passed the night in the blink of an eye without ever really entering Jongin’s dreams. Now he knew that he’d been wrong.

In his arms, Jongin began to shift a little. A quiet yawn could be heard, and when Jongin turned his head around, there was poorly concealed surprise in his eyes.

"How can it be that you're in my dreams for the third consecutive night?" Upon looking at Sehun, Jongin must have realized that he was in fact asleep and dreaming instead of having woken up in the morning after a dreamless night.

"Who are you?"

The question made Sehun falter who had been about to answer, his words getting stuck in his throat.

"I'm Sehun, I already told you." He ended up saying, neither satisfying Jongin nor himself with an answer.

Jongin rolled his eyes. He looked adorable like this, eyes sleepy and hair ruffled. "Okay, but where do I know you from?"

Sehun winced internally. "This is kind of messed up."

"A good or bad way of messed up?"

"... I don't know."

"Well..."

They were in a weirdly intimate position to be having this conversation, Sehun thought. Jongin was still in his arms, his half naked body – Jongin hadn’t put on one of his pajama shirts like he usually did – pressed against Sehun’s, and as much as he didn’t want to be a creep, his body reacted naturally to the close presence of Jongin. Coupled with a century-long abstinence, Jongin was bound to feel Sehun’s growing excitement soon.

"I wonder why we're in my room this time." Jongin had adjusted surprisingly quickly to the fact that Sehun had visited his dreams for the third consecutive night. Sehun wondered what kind of a ‘reasonable’ explanation Jongin had come up with to accept this so easily, but for now Sehun decided not to ask about it. As long as it stopped Jongin from asking too many questions, Sehun wasn’t going to mention it again.

"Do you spend a lot of time here?" Looking around, Sehun realized that the room looked a lot cleaner in Jongin’s dreams than it did in real-life.  _ Wishful thinking _ , Sehun thought.

"I guess so." Following his line of sight, Jongin turned his head again so that his face was turned away from Sehun. It was a pity, because like this his lips had been so close and Sehun wanted nothing more than to press his own against Jongin’s plush ones.

To be quite honest, Sehun didn’t know when his weird interest in Jongin had turned into nothing less than infatuation. Although it might have had something to do with their shared acts of intimacy, or to put it bluntly, Sehun putting his lips around Jongin’s cock and loving every single second of it, Sehun couldn’t help but think that whatever he was feeling had developed way before that.

There was just something about Jongin that made him want to care for him. Whenever Jongin did something that would most likely end up hurting him in the end, Sehun wanted to help him get out of it. Sadly, most of the time he was only able to watch as Jongin made some poor choices, but whenever he had the chance, Sehun would try to interact.

Maybe his feelings had become so intense because Jongin was the person he shared all of his time with. Of course, it was technically a very one-sided affair, but Sehun still felt himself getting attached. It seemed to only have gotten worse ever since Jongin had actually started seeing him, albeit it was only in his dreams. At this point, Sehun wasn’t picky though. If it were only the nights that he got to have Jongin for himself, he would readily accept that.

He also didn’t mind if Jongin thought this was a solely bodily thing, at least for now. There was little space reserved in Sehun’s mind for the future. As a ghost that was bound to be on his own for eternity, the future wasn’t anything to look forward to. As it was, the present seemed hard enough for him already, so the prospect of many more days to come where he was invisible to a world that he couldn’t even call his own anymore didn’t sound too appealing to Sehun.

Therefore, Sehun didn’t really want to think about where anything of this was going to go. That’s why he allowed himself to easily melt into the touch when Jongin pressed his ass back against his crotch. If this was what Jongin wanted from him, Sehun was more than willing to give it to him.

Three-fingers deep, and Jongin was a moaning mess. There was just something about the way he was stretched out underneath Sehun, his back arching as Sehun’s long fingers brushed against his prostate once again, that Sehun knew this image was going to be imprinted in his mind forever. He’d seen many beautiful men, laid out in front of him, behind him, next to him, but none of them could truly compare to the art that Kim Jongin was. If Sehun had thought he’d seen the raw side of Jongin already, he’d been thoroughly wrong. Like this, spread out on top of his pristine white sheets with the morning sun pouring through the window, tinting the whole room and Jongin in a wonderful, warm shade, Sehun was sure he’d never seen Jongin this vulnerable before. There was just something the way he offered himself up to Sehun, his hips rolling back to meet his fingers halfway as Sehun pumped them into him. His broken moans that filled Sehun’s ears sounded even better than Sehun remembered them from last night.

Sehun had taken many people apart before just with his body, but none of them had made him feel quite like Kim Jongin did.

“Sehun, fuck- I need you.” Jongin moaned, his hips rolling on their own accord. Sehun had only added the third finger a minute or so ago, but Jongin seemed to be unable to wait any longer, and quite honestly, Sehun couldn’t wait either.

It had been forever since he’d last topped. Obviously, it had been, but even when he’d still been alive Sehun had rarely gotten to top in his job. It had actually taken him by surprise when Jongin had asked him to finger him so he could fuck him later on, but Sehun certainly hadn’t had any complaints.

“You’re so beautiful, Jongin.” Sehun breathed when he aligned himself, the tip of his cock teasingly brushing against Jongin’s hole. The only response he got was a low whine, and Sehun chuckled, slowly easing himself into Jongin’s tight body.

They both held their breath, Jongin at the feeling of being stretched, and Sehun at the feeling of Jongin’s walls tightening around him. Once he’d fully eased himself into Jongin, he stayed still for a moment so that Jongin had time to adjust.

Sehun wasn’t sure if it had anything to do with being in a dream, but when Jongin began to impatiently roll his hips back almost immediately, Sehun didn’t hesitate, pulling out just enough to thrust back into him.

As they built up a rhythm together, he leaned in to kiss Jongin again. He had to break the kiss to let out a moan when Jongin’s nails raked down his back, his cock pulsing at the feeling.

“Harder-“ Jongin groaned when Sehun slowed down for a moment only so that he wouldn’t come too early. Jongin decided that things weren’t going fast enough though and locked his legs around Sehun’s waist to pull him closer.

“I won’t last long.” Sehun breathed, but Jongin only gasped when Sehun hit his prostate dead-on.

“I don’t care- fuck. I need you to come inside me, want to feel you filling me up-“ His last words were more of a moan than fully articulated words, but Sehun was far beyond the point of caring. Only the sound of skin slapping against skin and their heavy breathing could be heard in the quiet room.

Reaching between them, Sehun began to tug on Jongin’s cock to stroke him to completion as he fucked into him hard, his cock driving into Jongin over and over again until Jongin cried out and spilled white between them. Hot spurts of cum coated his chest, and although Sehun wanted to keep looking as Jongin’s lips fell open and his eyes squeezed shut, his own eyes fluttered shut as his orgasm hit him.

His hips stilled as Sehun filled Jongin up, his hot cum covering Jongin’s walls as he rode out his orgasm. Jongin’s walls were still twitching around him, and Sehun hissed when he pulled out, his cum spilling from Jongin’s hole but neither of the two cared. Crashing into the mattress beside him, Jongin pulled him in for a drawn-out, messy kiss. When they pulled apart again, Jongin’s words were so quiet that Sehun almost hadn’t heard them.

“I don’t know why you keep reappearing in my dreams, but you make me want to go back to sleep just so I can see you again.”

It was no surprise that Sehun kept slipping back into Jongin’s dreams. There was just so much drawing him in that he couldn’t quite keep himself from the other’s dreams, and at least in his dreams, Jongin didn’t seem to mind.

Most of the time, they slept with each other. There were no limitations to where they did it, and by now they’d fucked in Jongin’s old school, at university, even on what seemed to be a different planet. Jongin’s dreams allowed everything they wanted, and the only limitation was their fantasy.

In the morning, Jongin would wake up looking a lot more energized than he used to, and Sehun found himself catching the other smile a lot more often.

Things seemed to be going well. Ever since the dreams started, Jongin went out less and less. Sehun almost began to believe that Jongin went to bed earlier only to see him again, but he could have been mistaken. At the same time, Sehun didn’t want to allow himself such thoughts, because in the end, Jongin only saw him as a creature of his dreams and nothing more. Still, Sehun was going to take whatever he could get, and if that meant staying a part of Jongin’s dreams forever, he could certainly live with that.

As the days went by, Jongin’s life seemed to follow a more normal schedule once again. While his visits to university were still rather sporadic, he left home in time for work and spent more nights working on assignments than drinking away his sorrows. Sehun had no doubt that he was still depressed, but for now, it seemed like Jongin had learned to cope a little, and Sehun prayed that it would stay that way.

Until now, they didn’t really talk as much during their dreams. Occasionally, Jongin would start a conversation with him either before or after they had all kinds of sex, but often, Jongin just pulled him into a heated kiss whenever they met each other in his dreams.

At this point, Sehun had expected Jongin to have accepted his presence in his dreams without further questioning it anymore. That night when he laid down beside Jongin again though, he realized that it wasn’t the case.

"I’m still trying to figure out why you keep appearing in my dreams."

They were back in Jongin’s room. Ever since that third night when Sehun had begun appearing in Jongin’s dreams, they hadn’t returned to Jongin’s bedroom in his dreams. Sehun wondered if it had anything to do with Jongin trying to keep up at least somewhat of a private life by not letting Sehun into his room in his dreams. Of course, he couldn’t know that Sehun had free access to his room 24/7 without Jongin even being aware of it, but Jongin obviously had no clue about that.

"Some mysteries are better unsolved, Jongin." Sehun was sitting on Jongin’s bed, looking at the other who was watering his plant. It was a weird set up for a dream, Sehun thought, but maybe, Jongin had less control over them than Sehun had initially thought.

Putting down the watering can, Jongin stemmed his hands into his waist. "You act like you're some kind of... demon. An incubus." There was almost an accusative tone in his voice and Sehun couldn’t help but laugh.

"I can promise you I'm not an incubus." The idea wasn’t far-fetched, and Sehun had to admit that he hadn’t known what an incubus was just a few hours ago, but earlier when Jongin had worked on an assignment, he pulled up the Wikipedia article for Incubi. Sehun had sat next to him the whole time and scanned the article, not sure why exactly Jongin was looking up sex demons. In the end, he probably could’ve put two and two together, but he hadn’t and now he felt a little stupid.

Jongin huffed, not looking fully convinced just yet. When Sehun just shrugged as if to say ‘I can’t prove it to you’, Jongin let out a sigh and sat down next to him.

"You're too nice for that anyways."

Normally, now was the time for them to start making out and shove their hands down their pants. This night, however, Jongin didn’t seem to be in the mood for that. Although Sehun had looked forward to some fun, the chance of getting to talk to Jongin, getting to know him some more, suddenly seemed a lot more exciting.

“How are you?”

Jongin looked up at the question, obviously surprised by it. It made Sehun wonder when had the last time been that someone had asked him that. With Taemin and Kyungsoo not being around, he wasn’t sure if there were many people left that Jongin could open up to.

“I’m… okay.”

“One, that didn’t sound very convincing and two, okay isn’t exactly great.”

“I guess so.” Jongin shrugged, leaning back onto his arms. “Lately I’ve been feeling… stressed. Tired. Worn out.” He didn’t meet Sehun’s eyes. “I just feel that I’m at a point in life where I should feel better about what I’m doing… but when in reality, everything feels...  _ wrong _ .”

“Is there a… particular reason for this or is this just a general feeling.” Until now, Sehun had only ever witnessed the symptoms of Jongin’s depression. Now, he was starting to get behind the emotions Jongin displayed on a daily basis, and Sehun wasn’t sure if it was somewhat relieving or anxiety-inducing.

“I- let’s not talk about this now. Whenever I’m with you, I can forget about all of this, at least for a little while.” Jongin quickly shook his head.

Although Sehun felt dissatisfied because he couldn’t exactly help Jongin without knowing what really bothered him, he nodded.

“Okay. But Jongin… Just know that whatever it is that bothers you, or if there’s just anything you’d like to share with me, I’ll always be here for you to listen. You know that, right?”

Turning his head, Jongin finally allowed himself to meet Sehun’s eyes.

“I know… I mean you didn’t say it beforehand, but I think I somehow knew already.” A small smile had foundt its way onto Jongin’s lips, but his eyes still seemed endlessly sad. “Thank you, Sehun. For just being around, I mean. I don’t know why you’re in my dreams, but something tells me that it happened for a purpose.”

Sehun’s heart started pounding in his chest, and he swallowed down the words he wanted to respond with. Instead, he reached out to gently cup Jongin’s face, only a single word leaving his lips as he leaned close to kiss him.

“Maybe.”

After that night, Jongin began to gradually open up to Sehun more and more. They still spent a good amount of time with their tongues down their throat and fingers wandering, but now, a new element had been added to how they spent the duration of Jongin’s dreams.

Often, Sehun would lie next to Jongin after they’d fucked, and they’d chat. Sometimes, talking was all they did. It wasn’t always feelings they talked about, sometimes Jongin just told Sehun about his day and Sehun listened, asking questions even though he often already knew the answers. It felt like they were slowly establishing a routine, and that was something that both Jongin and Sehun had been in dire need for. Jongin, because it felt good for him to have something to look forward to during a day where he often didn’t see any positive aspects. Sehun, because it simply allowed him to feel human again.

It had been almost two months since Sehun had first slipped into Jongin’s dreams. By now, Sehun didn’t even question it anymore when he slipped into the sheets beside Jongin at night only to sink into his dreams, wondering where he’d wake up this time around.

That night, they were in a place that Sehun had never seen before. It reminded him a little of the cafeteria of Jongin’s school where they’d fucked in his dreams once, just that this place seemed to be a lot bigger.

"I saw Kyungsoo at uni today."

A voice behind him pulled Sehun out of his thoughts. There he stood, looking more exhausted than Sehun had seen him in a while. Immediately, he knew that this night wasn’t going to be one of the ones where they couldn’t keep their hands of each other, but still, he pulled Jongin into a hug.

"Oh." He murmured, his face buried against Jongin’s neck. There was nothing sexual about their touch, they both knew it, but Sehun could already feel some of the tension bleed out of Jongin as he melted against him.

"How did it go?"

Jongin let out a strangled sound. "It was... Weird. Do you know how there are people that you could just always talk to, no matter what happened between you too? Despite bad times, I felt like we could pick right back up." They stood in the middle of the large cafeteria, Sehun’s arms tightly wrapped around the other. Jongin was talking quietly as if someone could listen in on them, but they were the only ones in the whole building.

"There's just something so natural in talking to them and before you know it, you get sucked right back into old patterns." Jongin continued.

"So... It wasn't good?"

A hum. "I felt like I could've talked with him forever while Kyungsoo was... Reluctant." Detaching himself from Sehun, Jongin pulled a chair out from one of the tables and sat down. "I understand though."

Getting seated next to him, Sehun reached out to lace his fingers together with Jongin’s. "You probably still mean a lot to him though."

Staring at their intertwined fingers, Jongin sighed. "Maybe..." He looked up, staring right past Sehun’s head. "But I felt like while I was ready to go back to how things were, something had changed for him. Why does it make me feel like I'm a thing of the past for him already? I'm still here. Just a little more... broken."

Sehun knew how Jongin felt. Every single day when he woke up from Jongin’s dreams, he was reminded that in the end, he was still dead. At the end of the day, people had left him behind and had gone on living their life after his death. Sehun couldn’t blame them, but sometimes he’d wished that someone would’ve come back to see if he was okay.

"It probably just takes time, Jongin. You hurt each other. Just because you feel ready for this again doesn't mean that Kyungsoo's at this point again already."

They both thought of the night in Jongin’s bathroom. Just a few days prior, Jongin had disclosed what had happened to Sehun, not knowing that the other already knew it. It had been one of those moments when Sehun had been so close to telling the other that he in fact knew all of that already because he was a dead spirit living in his room, but there was always something holding him back. Maybe it was the fear of rejection, maybe it was the feeling of being more than just a lost soul slipping into other people’s dreams. Sehun wasn’t sure.

Jongin stayed quiet for a while, thinking. "I guess you're right..." He eventually looked up from where their fingers were still joined.

"Well, I'm trying my best." Sehun attempted a smile.

Silence spread between them again. It wasn’t exactly uncomfortable, but Sehun could tell that there was something Jongin had to get off his chest. Just when Sehun was about to ask Jongin if there was something else he wanted to tell him, the other spoke up again.

"Why can't I have someone like you in real life, Sehun? Why can't you be with me when I wake up in the morning, too?"

Sehun’s heart ached. "Jongin, I-" Before he could finish his sentence, Jongin interrupted him. His free hand came up to cup Sehun’s face gently, tilting it so that they were looking at each other. There was something unreadable in Jongin’s eyes, and for the first time, Sehun wasn’t drawn in by it. It scared him.

"Sometimes, when I look at you like this, I realize that I don't want to wake up in the morning at all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments, I'd really appreciate to hear your opinion.  
As usual, you can find a moodboard [here](https://twitter.com/SehunSemper/status/1188809736147349504?s=19)


	3. Daydream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, there'll be heavy themes in this chapter. I know that some of the events in the chapter might not be very realistic, but I do want to remind you that this is fiction. If anything bothers you, feel free to contact me.
> 
> Also... HAPPY HALLOWEEN

_ "Sometimes, when I look at you like this, I realize that I don't want to wake up in the morning at all." _

Sehun’s heart pounded in his chest. It still felt unfamiliar, something so natural, something so innate, yet awfully strange to him.

Yet, what felt even stranger was the seriousness in Jongin’s voice as he told Sehun the words that the other wished to be nothing less but a joke.

“You can’t be serious right now.” Sehun replied. His voice sounded unnaturally loud in the room. The noise of the city seemed to be drowned out, and Sehun quietly wondered if it was because of the dream or because they’d entered a small bubble in a world of their own where nobody could reach them.

“Why not? There’s… nothing good in my life at the moment. And when I’m dreaming, I’m with you. I don’t want to be without you. If I can’t have you with me when I wake up in the morning, I just have to spend more time sleeping so I can be with you. When I’m with you, you make me forget all the bad things. I feel better then.” Jongin sounded so sure that it would have been easy for Sehun to get lulled in by his words.

“Jongin.” He started, searching for the right words that wouldn’t hurt the other, but still get his point across. “There’s… so much in the world that’s worth being awake for. Maybe you don’t see it now, but it’s there. Sometimes it’s just the song on the radio that comes on and you haven’t listened to it in years and it just reminds you of that one time when you were happy, sometimes it’s something bigger, something better. But nevertheless, it’s there, no matter how small it is. I understand that it might be hard to see it, though. But I promise, I’ll try to help you see it.”

Jongin huffed. “But  _ how _ ?” He turned his head away, staring out of the window. “You’re here. In my dreams. You’re not out there. You don’t know what it is like.”

“I wish I knew it though, Jongin. I really wish I did.”

Something in Sehun’s voice must have caught Jongin’s attention. Turning around to face him again, Jongin suddenly looked uncertain. “What do you mean by that?”

“I… there’s something I didn’t tell you yet, Jongin. And that something is… a little hard to suggest I guess.” The realization that it was time to tell Jongin that he was indeed dead and a ghost inhabiting his room had hit Sehun the moment their conversation had taken a turn. At this point, Sehun was certain that the fact that he was dead was the only argument that could convince Jongin that whatever he was thinking of was a bad, bad idea.

“I doubt it can be worse than when the doctor told me that I’d never be able to dance again.”

“What?”

It felt like something inside of Sehun had clicked. Although he hadn’t believed that there had to be a certain reason for Jongin to feel this way, he had known there was something that the other had been hiding for him. That something was darker than what he’d learned about Jongin by now, something that had the power to make the other feel so powerless when ,in reality, Sehun didn’t doubt that he was able to achieve so many great things in life.

“Yeah… I guess I never mentioned it to you. The degree I’m doing right now at university?” Jongin laughed dryly. It didn’t remind Sehun of the beautiful, admittedly a little funny sounding laughter Jongin usually let out whenever they joked around in his dreams at all.

“I used to be a dance major until three semesters ago. I got injured so badly that I never really recovered from it. I couldn’t return to classes and had to give up my dream of becoming a dancer.”

It was scary how Jongin managed to break down his worst pains into three simple sentences. Just the thought of it sent shivers down Sehun’s spine. There was a certain sense of detachment to his words that seemed awfully wrong, but Sehun believed that it was Jongin’s way of protecting himself from letting the issue get to him.

When Sehun didn’t reply immediately, too busy to process what Jongin had just told him, the other just went on.

“And that’s basically it. I already had to give up my biggest dream before. I don’t want to do the same with you. You’re my dream now, Sehun. And I’m not willing to let go of that. It’s the only thing that means something to me at the moment. It might be unhealthy, fuck, it probably really is, but I can’t help but feel that way. You’re my dream now, and I won’t let it be taken from me a second time.”

“I’m dead, Jongin.” The words were out before Sehun could stop himself. He hadn’t meant to say that at all, instead he’d planned to comfort Jongin, to ask about his injury and his aspirations and his dancing, but all that he’d managed to get out were those three words.

“What?” Now it was Jongin’s turn to sound shocked and Sehun couldn’t blame him.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to break it to you like that, but… I’m dead. I died more than a century ago.” Sehun wished he could deliver this in a more sensible way, but he couldn’t think of one. “I’m a ghost, Jongin. The reason why I’m in your dreams is… it was an accident. I live in your apartment, in your bedroom, to be precise. It used to be my room, and I died there. For some reason, my spirit was never able to leave, so I am there but you can’t see, feel or hear me. I’m basically nothing at all, but I’m still there. And that is exactly the reason why I don’t want you to give up everything that you have, that is a life in the real world, just to see me in your sleep, Jongin.”

“You’re joking.” The way Jongin was looking him probably should’ve hurt, but Sehun couldn’t blame him. There was a mixture of distrust and utter confusion and maybe a little anger in Jongin’s eyes, but Sehun didn’t take any offense in it.

“I wish I was. I know it must be creepy, realizing that I live in your room and there’s basically always someone watching, but it’s not like I’m doing it on purpose. I’m just… kind of there. I can’t avoid it. I didn’t bring it up all this time, because I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. And well, to be honest, because I was scared.”

“Scared?” Jongin didn’t sound convinced.

“Yeah, scared.” Sehun nodded. “I was scared of losing you.”

Silence overcame them again, if only for a moment.

“I can’t believe you’re… dead.” Jongin eventually whispered.

“It’s… I can’t exactly prove it to you, but yes, I am, in fact, dead.” Sehun sighed. “Do you hate me now? Because I didn’t tell you earlier.” Although the answer to this scared him, Sehun needed to know.

“I- I honestly don’t know what to think right now.”

The air around them had begun to flicker. Sehun had felt the change in the atmosphere, but he hadn’t been quite ready to let it go just yet. Reaching out for Jongin’s hand, he managed to get a hold of it for the blink of an eye before everything turned dark.

Jongin had woken up.

Never before had Sehun witnessed Jongin getting up this quickly, not even when he’d woken up 20 minutes before his shift at the café and was running awfully late. Sehun watched as Jongin took hurried steps around the room, looking utterly confused.

_ He looked as if he’d seen a ghost, _ Sehun deadpanned in his mind.

“Sehun?”

The sudden mention of his name made him sit up. Never before had his name left Jongin’s lips outside the confines of his dreams. Although he’d said it endless times by now, it felt new, and Sehun would’ve found it exciting if his feelings weren’t a complete mess at the moment in time.

_ “I’m here.” _ He replied, but he didn’t expect an answer. He wasn’t disappointed.

With searching eyes, Jongin looked around his room, his eyes wandering right past Sehun. The little part in Sehun’s soul that still hadn’t given up on the thought that one day Jongin would wake up and be able to see him died a little more, sinking back into the depths of his mind once again.

_ “Jongin. I’m here. I wish you could hear me.” _ Slowly, Sehun moved up from the bed to step closer to Jongin who looked like he was about to start crying. He could see the anxiety in his eyes, still mixed with confusion, and Sehun wished he could just pull him into his arms. But he couldn’t.

“Sehun. If you hear me right now… I’m not mad at you, okay? I’m not mad at all- I was just so surprised. I- please, I don’t hate you. I could never hate you, do you hear me?” Jongin was rushing his words, stumbling over syllables, and Sehun wanted to shush him, tell him that it was okay.

_ “It’s alright, Jongin. I hear you. I am right here. I know you can’t hear or see me. But I’m right here.” _

By now, Jongin had stopped moving around so much. Sehun had stepped in front of him, only a few centimetres between their faces. Suddenly, Jongin’s hand moved forward, but it went right through Sehun’s chest. His heart ached.

“Sehun… I don’t know if you are listening right now but…”

_ “I am.” _

“But… I don’t hate you, okay?”

_ “I know, Jongin. I don’t hate you either.” _

Jongin was staring at him, his eyes boring into Sehun’s, but he knew that he was looking past him at the blank wall.

“I could never hate you, Sehun. Do you know why?” He let out a breath. “Because I’m in love with you.”

A small breeze rustled the curtains, and Sehun reached out to cup Jongin’s face. He couldn’t feel it, and Jongin couldn’t either, but it still soothed him.

_ “I love you too, Jongin.” _

It took a long time for Jongin to fall asleep again. To his luck, the next day was a Saturday so he could sleep in. Sehun watched him the whole time, still uncertain what their encounter the next night would entail. There was no doubt he was going to join Jongin in his dreams again, they still had a lot to discuss after all, but Sehun wasn’t exactly sure how to go about it just yet.

Surprisingly, Jongin hadn’t attempted to talk to him again. When the other had woken up the next morning, Sehun had half expected him to address Sehun again, but it seemed like the other had either given up on it or had put off the events of the previous nights as a dream. Sehun wasn’t sure which option he liked the least.

When Jongin climbed into bed that night, it was barely nine. Sehun doubted that the other would be able to fall asleep, but Jongin caught him by surprise when he fell asleep after only a few minutes of lying in bed.

Sehun sighed, a feeling of anxiety overcoming him. When he closed his eyes, the world turned dark once more.

“Hi.”

This time, they weren’t in Jongin’s room once again. Sehun wasn’t sure if he liked that or not, but the park they were in gave off a somewhat soothing aura. It made him wonder if Jongin’s subconscious had chosen a spot where both of them were able to calm down a little as they listened to the sounds of a nearby stream and the chirping of the birds in the tree tops above their heads.

“Hey…” They were sitting on a bench, next to each other, but untouching. Sehun wanted to change that and reach for Jongin’s hand, but he wasn’t sure if the other wanted him to.

“Did you… hear what I said? Last night?” Jongin’s voice was small, and Sehun wanted to pull him into his arms. Yet, he refrained from it for now.

“Do you mean if I heard that you said you were in love with me?”

Jongin’s face flushed a pretty shade of pink. “Yeah.”

A smile crept onto Sehun’s lips. “Yeah, I heard that. Did you hear my reply?”

Sehun wouldn’t have believed it, but Jongin’s face turned even redder.

“No?” He mumbled, flinching in surprise when Sehun placed his palm on top of his. He didn’t resist when Sehun laced their fingers together though.

“I said that I love you too.”

Jongin let out a breath. “Oh.”

“Yeah… Oh.”

They both turned their heads at the same time, and Sehun giggled when their noses almost bumped together.

As their lips found each other this time, their kiss was unlike any of those they’d shared before.

Their daily and nightly schedules went back to normal. The only thing that changed was that Jongin talked to Sehun now whenever he was at home.

It was difficult to have conversations when you never got a reply. Still, Jongin never ceased to chat with Sehun as he wrote his essays, watered his plant or watched Netflix. Oftentimes, it was just the flow of his thoughts that the other voiced out, but Sehun was grateful for it anyways.

For the first time, Sehun felt like he had the right to participate in Jongin’s life. Now that the other knew about his existence in his room, the feeling of guilt no longer lingered whenever Sehun stood next to him to look over his shoulder when he typed on his laptop. The fear of eventually having to tell Jongin the truth was gone, and Sehun would’ve breathed more freely if he had still needed to breathe.

At first, Jongin didn’t seem to mind that he never got a response. Eventually though, things were starting to change. Sehun found Jongin rambling about finding ways to communicate with Sehun more often than not. He listened to him go on and on about different devices he’d found on the internet, one of them being the infamous Spirit Box that he encountered as he watched yet another episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved. When he brought the issue up to Sehun, the other replied that he was pretty sure that it wasn’t going to work, and in the end, Jongin had to admit that his monetary resources as a university student didn’t allow such investments either way.

Nonetheless, the growing frustration between them was getting harder to ignore with each day that went by. It was hard for both of them in two very different ways. To Jongin, it seemed like nobody was listening because he never got a reply. To Sehun, all of his replies went unheard. The excitement that had come with the initial attempt at conversation had long begun to taste stale, and Sehun couldn’t shake off the feeling that it bothered Jongin more than he liked to admit whenever Sehun asked him about it.

There was just something so cruel about being so close to each other, yet so far away. The only relief they ever got was during the nights they’d spend together in Jongin’s dreams.

Although they both looked forward to nights, Jongin never brought up the wish to sleep forever again. On one hand, Sehun was relieved, on the other, he couldn’t quite convince himself that the choice wasn’t valid for Jongin anymore.

Rather sooner than later, Sehun learned that his worries had been justified.

When Jongin received the phone call, Sehun was sitting right next to him. They were both on Jongin’s bed, Jongin’s laptop on his lap when the phone rang.

Sehun didn’t know who it was, but judging from Jongin’s expressions, he could already tell that the phone call didn’t bring good news.

“They… fired me.” Was the first thing Jongin said when the call had ended.

“What?” Sehun replied, but Jongin couldn’t hear him. This time it wasn’t a dream, as much as he suddenly wished it had been.

“Apparently, they have to cut down costs and I was the one that started working there last. So I’m also the first one that has to leave again. Fuck – Sehun” Jongin stopped, his eyes suddenly filled with tears. Sehun could do nothing but watch as they flowed down his cheeks. It hurt in the depths of his soul to see Jongin like that while being utterly incapable of doing anything to make him feel better.

“I- what do I do now?” Jongin sobbed. Sehun hadn’t seen him cry like this in forever, maybe ever. Somehow, the termination of his work contract must have broken a dam inside Jongin that had been littered with cracks already. There had only been a tiny bit missing that had stopped it from breaking down, and now, everything came flooding out of him with a power that was almost scary.

“This job was… the only stable thing I had besides you. I actually started to enjoy going there – I liked the people, fuck, I even liked my boss. How am I supposed to pay rent now?” He choked on his tears. “What if- what if I have to move out? If I move out, I can’t see you anymore – I couldn’t-“ Jongin broke off, shutting the laptop with a loud sound that made Sehun flinch.

“I can’t do that, Sehun. I have to stay here- even if it’s forever.”

That night when Jongin went to bed, Sehun wasn’t surprised to meet him again in his room. There was just something about Jongin’s dream-self naturally resorting to staying in his room whenever there was something that bothered him greatly, so Sehun had almost expected the other to greet him on his bed.

What Sehun hadn’t expected was the determination in Jongin’s eyes. Yet, before Jongin got a word out, Sehun pulled him into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry, Jongin. I wanted to help you earlier, and I was there with you, but I know it’s not the same. That’s why I’m here now. We can talk about it, if you want to.” Still clinging to Jongin, Sehun inhaled his scent. There was a smell to Jongin that was so  _ inherently _ him, Sehun had a hard time finding something to compare it to. To him, Jongin smelled like home even though Sehun was sure he’d never really had a home. Maybe that was why he couldn’t connect the smell to anything but Jongin.

“There’s nothing to discuss, I think.” Pulling away from him, Jongin took Sehun’s hand to lead him to his bed. Sehun didn’t doubt that Jongin didn’t do it so they could lie down and touch each other, so he wasn’t surprised when Jongin offered him to sit down.

“What exactly do you mean by that?”

Jongin waited until they’d both settled down on the mattress next to each other.

“ _ Sometimes, when I look at you like this, I realize that I don't want to wake up in the morning at all.  _ Do you remember when I said that?” Jongin asked.

Sehun wasn’t sure if he’d ever heard a stupider question in his life before. “Of course, I do. After you told me, I informed you that I am dead and a ghost living in your apartment, but I’m sure you’re aware of that.” Not giving Jongin a break to interrupt him, Sehun continued. “Jongin, I’m pretty sure you’re not aware of what you’re trying to say here.”

A tiny laugh escaped Jongin. It didn’t sound like him at all.

“Oh, I think I do know, Sehun.” He paused. “There’s so much more waiting for me when I’m with you. And when am I with you? When I’m asleep. Therefore, eternal sleep is the answer to all my problems.”

“Eternal sleep as in death?” Sehun just had to voice it out loud in order to fully grasp it. The realization that Jongin was actually serious made him feel sick to his bones.

“It’s the only way to be with you, Sehun. Why don’t you understand?” Jongin looked at him as if he couldn’t understand why Sehun thought this was a bad idea. He seemed so sure of himself and his idea that it scared Sehun beyond belief.

“If you do this, I won’t show up in your dreams anymore until you change your mind. I swear to you ,Jongin, I won’t be back.” Sehun had cupped Jongin’s face, but this time he felt like there was more distance between them than during the day where they couldn’t even feel each other’s touch.

“You wouldn’t do that.” The childish defiance in Jongin’s voice would have made Sehun laugh hadn’t he been so close to tears.

“I will do that. I swear to god that I will stay away from your dreams until you get rid of that awful idea, Jongin.” Sehun stared at him, his eyes burning, but he tried to blink the tears away. “You can’t give all of this away for me. You have a life, Jongin. That’s wonderful, it’s magical. Not everything, certainly not. But ,please, don’t throw it away. Get help, maybe from someone that’s better at it than I am. And when you decide to drop this horrible thought, I’ll be here again. But until then, I have to let you go if that means you can change your mind.” Sehun’s lips trembled. “Do you understand that?”

“But- but it’s for you. It’s for  _ us _ .” Jongin insisted.

Closing his eyes for a second, Sehun wondered if he’d lost the fight already. When he opened them again, his lashes were wet with tears.

The only thing you can do for us is to believe me, Jongin. I love you, so I want the best for you. If that means having to stay away from you, I’ll do that even if it hurts.”

“You can’t decide what’s best for me, Sehun, you can’t-“ Jongin started again, but Sehun shook his head.

“I can’t decide for you, no. But I can decide for myself. And I made my decision. I won’t visit you in your dreams until you’ve come to your senses again.” Gently letting go of his cheek, Sehun stood up. “I love you, Jongin. But I can’t continue watching you destroy yourself.”

“You can’t leave me alone.” Now it was Jongin who had tears in his eyes. Sadness was mixed with anger, and frustration poured into his words. “I need you.”

“I’ll always be by your side ,Jongin, even during the days. You know that, don’t you? Until then, remember what I told you. I love you, Jongin, please don’t forget that. To put it into your own words, I’m not only doing this for you.  _ It’s for us _ .”

Jongin wanted to say something, Sehun watched as he opened his mouth. He didn’t hear the words that left his lips anymore though, Sehun’s world slowly fading to black. It was the first time he’d been able to break out of Jongin’s dreams on his own.

When he opened his eyes, the room was dark. Tears were rolling down his cheeks. They never hit the pillow, but they didn’t have to, because next to him, Jongin was sobbing into the sheets.

It tore Sehun’s heart apart, but he knew that there was nothing he could do for him now. For a moment, he wondered if he had been too harsh. The thought pained him, made him feel anxious. With Jongin in this state, every decision seemed critical.

It was a long night. Even if Sehun had had the ability to sleep, he doubted he would’ve been able to slip away into slumber. He no longer felt comfortable staying in bed beside Jongin as the other cried, so he slipped out, walking over to the window.

The full moon shone through the window, and if Jongin had looked up in that moment, he would have been able to see the shadow silhouette of a man standing at his window against the wall for a second.

When Jongin fell asleep the following night, it was the first time he didn’t open his eyes to Sehun waiting for him in his dreams.

Jongin had never slept so badly.

Sehun could see it in the way he moved in his sleep, heard it by the patterns of his breathing, saw it in the way Jongin woke up again and again. He half expected the other to call for him, to ask him to join him in his dreams again, to  _ beg _ him, but Jongin didn’t. Instead, it appeared to Sehun as if the other tried to force himself to fall asleep again and again, possibly thinking that maybe, just maybe would be there after all when he drifted off to sleep this time.

But with every slumber, Jongin grew more disappointed. Whenever his eyes fell shut and his mind slipped away, Sehun wasn’t there.

When morning came, Jongin didn’t get out of bed.

Sehun was watching him, sitting at Jongin’s desk as Jongin stared at the ceiling, eyes dull. Once again, it made Sehun wonder if he’d made the right decision, but he couldn’t grow weak now, not if he had only just started with his attempt to make Jongin understand.

It took Jongin hours to finally drag himself out of bed, if only to use the toilet. Still, Sehun was relieved. When the other returned from the bathroom, he simply slid into bed again, his back facing Sehun.

Sehun would’ve begun to believe that Jongin hated him now, that he didn’t even want to see him or hear him or _ feel  _ him anymore if it hadn’t been for the quiet whisper.

“Sehun… Please. Please come back. I need you. Please meet me in my dreams again. I can’t do this without you. I only mean the best for us, I only want us to be together-“

Only when Jongin fell asleep again so soon, Sehun wondered if maybe, Jongin had popped a sleeping pill in the bathroom. Although he’d felt weak for a moment, the desire to lie down beside Jongin and take him into his arms in his dreams being so overwhelming, he stayed strong.

His heart ached, but his mind told him it was the right thing to do.

After his depression, anger overwhelmed Jongin. He was mad at Sehun for doing this to him, for keeping away from him on purpose. While he’d continued to talk to Sehun during the day even after Sehun had stopped appearing in his dreams, Jongin now kept quiet too. It only lasted for two days, but Sehun got a taste of his own bitter medicine. The lack of communication took him right back to how things were before he slipped into Jongin’s dreams for the first time.

It should’ve surprised him how easily he’d been able to forget the feeling of loneliness. Maybe the feelings had gotten to his head, maybe Sehun had begun to take it for granted that he was able to talk to Jongin on a daily basis, he wasn’t sure. Now that he was unable to communicate again, everything came back and it seemed to hit him any harder.

How much loneliness could a soul handle before it killed them? Sehun wasn’t sure. Maybe loneliness wouldn’t have killed his outer shell, but it certainly rotted him from the inside.

It took almost a week for Jongin to talk to him again. There had been moments where Sehun thought that the other was close to talking to him. There were times when Jongin opened his mouth as if he was about to say something only to close it again, a look of indecision on his handsome features. At those times, Sehun wanted to scream, wanted to lie down in bed again at night to meet him in his sleep and ask what Jongin had wanted to tell him.

It drove him crazy, but Sehun still believed that it had been the right thing to do.

“I really, really didn’t understand why you did this.”

The sound of Jongin’s voice pulled Sehun out of his thoughts. Just a minute ago, Jongin had entered the apartment. He’d been out, Sehun had no idea what he’d been doing or where he’d gone to. If it had been late in the evening or at night, he would have half expected him to go out like he used to.

_ “Jongin!” _ The words flowed out of Sehun automatically, very well aware that Jongin couldn’t hear them. It had never stopped him from talking to the other anyway.

“I mean… I thought you were just being an ass. That you wanted to punish me for something that I didn’t quite get.” Jongin continued, dumping the bag he’d been carrying on the floor. Shrugging out of his jacket, he walked right past Sehun without ever noticing.

“I thought, ‘How can Sehun be the one to decide if I got to see him or not? Why should I not be able to make this decision, too?’” Jongin continued. “But I think I understand now.”

Sehun stared at him. Sometimes he wondered if Jongin got that feeling people sometimes had when they were being watched whenever Sehun looked at him. He’d meant to ask him plenty of times, but once he’d entered his dreams, there was always something that had distracted him from asking and he only ever remembered when the sun had risen again already.

“You didn’t do it just because you could.” Jongin looked around the room, his eyes searching for Sehun although they’d never find them. “You did it because you knew better than me.”

_ “Of course _ .” Sehun nodded.  _ “I never wanted to hurt you.” _

“I… I met up with Kyungsoo today. We just chatted and had a coffee. I texted him and asked if he wanted to meet up and he agreed. Just like that. I thought he’d never agree.” Jongin continued to explain. “I didn’t really want to leave the flat. I wanted to sulk some more, I wanted to be angry some more. But then I tried to understand why you were doing this. And ,to be honest, at first I probably just texted Kyungsoo because I expected him to decline and be angry at myself and angry at you because it would have showed me yet again that there was nothing left here for me to hold me back. I got disappointed, but in the best possible way.”

Sitting down his bed, Jongin let out a soft chuckle. He didn’t notice it when Sehun settled down next to him, watching Jongin as he continued his little speech.

“I still want to be with you though. It annoys me so much that I can only be with you in my dreams, because I really do love you. At first I thought I was crazy for falling in love with you, thinking that you were merely a creation of my wicked mind, but you’re you, and you’re real. Well, as real as ghosts can be I guess.” He smiled. “I thought it wasn’t enough for me to only have you in my dreams. But then I realized that I was probably the selfish one and not you. It’s quite ironic, really. I’m sorry it took me so long to understand.”

_ “It wasn’t so long at all, Jongin.” _ Sehun insisted.  _ “I’m proud of you. I want to be with you too, but not at such high costs.” _

“I mean, things still suck. I’m still sad, and I guess I’m still depressed. I am depressed, right? I never talked to a doctor, but this must be it. Maybe I should talk to one. Until I met you, I never realized how bad it really was. When my friends told me, I thought they were exaggerating. I thought it was just their warped view when it was actually me all along. It’s hard to admit your own wrongs to yourself, especially when they influence you so severely. I mean, it’s not like I’m wrong, really. I can’t help the way that I feel. Still, I don’t want to feel this way, that’s probably what’s so wrong about it.” Jongin paused. “Am I making any sense?”

_ “Yes, you’re making sense.” _ Sehun wanted to reassure him although it was in vain. Just to have Jongin talking to him again felt so soothing, but his words put Sehun into state of excitement. He felt conflicted, but in a really good way.  _ “I’m proud of you.” _

“I don’t expect you to turn up in my dreams again tonight already. I really don’t. I mean, I wish you would, but I don’t want you to feel forced just because I told you this. I just wanted to let you know. So… yeah. Thank you for listening.”

It was kind of heart-warming that Jongin assumed that Sehun was listening. On one hand, Sehun ,of course, kind of had no other choice but to listen to it, but on the other hand, he could tell that Jongin dove beyond the surface of ‘just listening’ in a physical way.

_ “I will always listen to what you have to say. If I don’t agree with it, I’ll let you know.” _ Sehun smiled.  _ “I love you, Jongin, and I’m proud of you.” _

Still, Sehun decided not to slip into Jongin’s dreams that night just yet. He wasn’t exactly sure why, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it just yet. There was a small part of him that didn’t fully trust Jongin and his statements yet. It was probably unfair of him, and he didn’t really think the other would do it, but there was a chance of Jongin trying to manipulate him just to make him show up in his dreams again. Sehun hated himself a little for considering that as an option but he just wanted to make sure that Jongin wasn’t playing with him. Although the other had sounded genuine, he’d seen Jongin pretending to be okay way too often for this to fully convince him.

It seemed, however, that the other hadn’t been lying to him.

The day after their ‘talk’, Jongin did look a little disappointed when he rolled out of bed. Sehun felt a bit guilty, but he quickly grew excited when he realized that Jongin got up to sit down at his laptop and do some coursework. Exam season had come around, and although Jongin still didn’t expect to do well, at least he was trying not to fail.

Granted, Jongin angrily closed his laptop again after opening a word document and staring at it for half an hour, but there had been an attempt and Sehun could certainly appreciate that.

Another week passed until Sehun was fully convinced that Jongin hadn’t given up on himself.

The critical factor for Sehun to come to that conclusion had been Jongin sending out application letters. The whole day, Sehun had watched him type his CV and a letter of application, unsure if he was imagining things or if Jongin was really doing this. Only when Jongin began to send off emails with his applications Sehun realized that this was serious.

That night, when Jongin had slipped into bed, Sehun laid down next to him for the first time in what seemed like forever. He’d almost forgotten the way it felt to slip into Jongin’s dreams again, but when he felt the darkness wash over him, all he felt was comfort.

Sehun had half expected to come to his senses in Jongin’s room. Instead, he found himself at the beach. The sound of the waves crashing filled his ears, and for the first time in his life, Sehun heard it in person. He’d never been to the sea before. When he’d still been alive, he simply hadn’t been able to afford it and after he’d died, he’d only gotten to see pictures of it on TV.

His eyes landed on a familiar figure. Roughly a hundred metres away from him, Jongin sat on the sand, his fingers digging through the sand as he watched the fine particles run over his palm.

By the time Sehun reached him, Jongin had long spotted him.

“Hey.”

Slowly, Sehun let himself settle next to Jongin on the sand. It was colder than he’d anticipated, but it wasn’t uncomfortable.

“Hi.”

Silence spread between them, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. They just looked at each other, and to Sehun, it seemed like they saw each other for the first time.

“What made you change your mind tonight?” Jongin interrupted their silence. A seagull flew over their heads, its cries drowned out by the sound of the ocean.

“You sent out applications to look for a job. That kind of showed me that you really meant it. That you weren’t just talking about it, but that you were actually doing something.” Sehun hoped he didn’t sound rude, but Jongin’s eyes were understanding.

“I get that. I don’t think I would’ve trusted myself either.”

Sehun felt relief wash over him. “I’m glad you’re not angry.”

“And I’m glad you’re back.” Jongin smiled.

There were so many things they wanted to tell each other, but in that moment, looking at each other seemed to be enough. There was still time for talking later, they didn’t need to hurry.

“Do you want to swim?” Nodding at the ocean, Jongin gave Sehun an expectant look. It wasn’t particularly warm or even sunny, but Sehun found himself nodding anyway.

This was a dream after all, and in their dreams, they had no limits.

Holding out his hand, Jongin helped Sehun stand up. With their fingers intertwined, they stepped towards the shore. Sehun shuddered when the water first touched his skin. They didn’t take off their clothes or their shoes. They just stepped into the ocean, deeper and deeper until only their heads were above the water. Their fingers were still intertwined, and together, they floated in the waves.

“I love you.” Jongin told him, his words carried away by the wind but Sehun had heard him nonetheless.

“I love you too.” Sehun responded, his eyes fluttering shut as the waves washed away his sins.

Things fell back into place surprisingly quickly. It only now occurred to Sehun how much he’d looked forward to the nights now that he got to spend them with Jongin again. As hard as it had been to not climb into the bed next to him all this time, Sehun now had to restrain himself from not lingering in Jongin’s bed even before the other went to sleep.

Sehun thrived on Jongin slowly getting better. There still were days when Jongin didn’t leave his bed, and there still were days when he was tempted to buy a bottle of vodka and drink it all, but there were far more days when Jongin was productive, did coursework or met up with friends. Even Taemin showed up again, and Sehun watched with eyes crinkling from smiling so much as the two joked around.

Jongin was slowly getting better, and Sehun had never been this happy.

For the past few days though, there had been something that was bothering Sehun. He hadn’t noticed it at first, the changes coming ever so slowly, but at this point, Sehun couldn’t deny it any longer.

He was fading.

He wasn’t exactly sure how or why it was happening, but Sehun could feel himself slowly fading away. A week ago, he’d still looked solid, at least to his own eye. Now, there was a translucent sheer to him and if he looked at his palm, he could see the pattern of the wooden flooring through it.

It scared him, but at the same time, Sehun felt relieved.

Until now, he still hadn’t told Jongin. The other was doing so well. Just that day, he’d listened as Jongin had talked on the phone to make an appointment with a therapist. He was so proud of him, and he didn’t want to ruin everything by telling the other that it was probably time for them to part soon.

Sehun didn’t quite understand why fate wanted him to leave now. Everything had fallen into place, but maybe it was exactly that which had determined that his time on earth was over for good now.

Sehun was ready to let go of living on this planet, but he wasn’t quite ready to let go of Jongin just yet.

Instead of telling Jongin that night, Sehun kept pushing the conversation away until he couldn’t avoid it anymore.

“I’m fading, Jongin.”

They were sitting on top of a skyscraper, the city of Seoul beneath them. The sun was going down, and Sehun wondered if Jongin somehow knew that this was their last night together in their dreams. The scenery was breath-taking, and Sehun wondered if maybe he was already in heaven.

“Huh?” Turning his head, Jongin looked at Sehun in confusion.

“I’m fading, as in I’m going to disappear. My time is over on earth, I suppose.”

Sehun could pinpoint the exact moment Jongin understood what he was trying to say. Tears filled his eyes, but they wouldn’t fall just yet.

“But- I don’t want you to go just yet. Why now?” He asked, his voice so small that it tugged on Sehun’s heartstrings.

_ Why. _ He’d asked himself that question too, but he’d never come to a conclusion. The only thing he knew was that if he left Jongin now, he would be okay, and maybe that was all the answer that he really needed.

“There are just some things I guess I’ll never know the answer to.” Sehun murmured. “The only thing I know for sure is that I love you and I always will.”

They slept with each other again, on the rooftops above Seoul as the wind carried pink clouds through the sky, the orange tint of the sun colouring everything in a sheen of paradise. As they lied naked next to each other, breathing still heavy, Sehun turned his head to stare at Jongin. He still looked as beautiful as he had the time Sehun had first laid his eyes on him. Even when all of this had ended, Sehun knew that he’d never forget him.

“Just promise me one thing, Jongin. You'll remember me, right? And when you think of me, you'll know that you can overcome whatever hardships you encounter. Not because of me, no. You did that on your own. But because now it seems like I can finally go. I don't know where I'll be going, but I can feel that it's time to move on. Let's leave everything behind, Jongin, shall we?" He whispered, his fingers brushing over the soft skin of Jongin’s cheeks. "Life is a beautiful gift, but the most beautiful gift I was ever given was the chance to meet you." He closed his eyes. A single tear slipped down his cheek when he opened them again, but there was nothing but love in his eyes when he looked at Jongin.

"I don't know why, but I have this feeling we'll meet again. Goodbye, Jongin."

When Jongin woke up that day, he knew that Sehun wasn’t there anymore. There wasn’t something he could explain it with, he just knew it. Something felt like it was missing, and although he’d never exactly felt Sehun’s presence, it seemed that he still felt his absence.

Only when he went to bed that night and had a dream without Sehun, he knew for sure.

When he woke up in the morning again, Jongin closed his eyes, trying to recall how it felt to have Sehun beside him.

“Wherever you are right now, I hope you can hear me. I miss you so much, but I’m okay. I promise I’ll be okay. I hope that you’re okay now too. I love you, and I remember you. I always will.”

About a week had passed since Sehun had disappeared. Life had continued, although it felt a little more dull to Jongin. He still didn’t fall back into his slump but carried on instead.

It was hard, but then again, when wasn’t life hard? He’d promised Sehun not to give up, and he wasn’t going to go back on his word.

Jongin still hadn’t found a job. For all the emails he’d sent out he received rejection after rejection. It was demotivating ,to say the least, but then Sehun’s words rang in his mind, and Jongin told himself that he just had to continue trying.

Earlier in the day, he’d picked up the newspaper. Until now, he hadn’t been able to bring himself to pick it up again, but when a strong breeze pushed it from his desk, Jongin realized that maybe it was time to stop pushing the task away. He bent down to pick it up, sighing when the cold breeze coming from the open window made him shiver. Autumn had hit Seoul, and Jongin should’ve long stopped keeping his window open all the time.

Straightening up, Jongin examined the page with the job offers. Most of them weren’t exactly of interest to him, but by now, he was pretty desperate. All of the declines had made another wave of self-consciousness roll over him that he wasn’t ready to face just yet, so finding a job was the best way to deal with that, he figured.

There was an offer for a job at a café that had caught Jongin’s interest. It was marketed as the perfect part-time job for students, so technically, Jongin was the perfect guy for it, although his time spent at uni still wasn’t as much as it probably should be. "It's worth a try." He shrugged, grumbling when he remembered that he had to get up to grab his phone that he’d so carelessly thrown away just a minute ago.

After a few rings, someone picked up the phone. Jongin’s expression lit up.

"Hello, I saw your offer in the newspaper and I'm wondering if you're still looking for a part-timer for your café." A short pause, and Jongin prayed that the job hadn’t been given away just yet. But then the man on the other side of the phone started talking and Jongin listened, gradually becoming more excited.

"Really?" The expression on Jongin’s face was hopeful. Apparently, he’d been the first one to call and the café-owner was more than willing to let him come by for a test shift.

"Yes, that's brilliant, actually, I'd love to come by. Tomorrow? Yes, great."

With a smile, Jongin put down the phone. Looking at the window, he grinned.

"I guess there's still something like fate, huh?" He mused out loud. "The wind wanted to help me."

For a moment, Jongin felt like being caught in a déjà vu. Then he brushed the thought aside and put down the phone. He had to iron some of his clothes now, because there was no way he was going to fuck up this opportunity.

Jongin felt nervous. Meeting new people had never been his forte, and the pressure of having to leave a good impression didn’t exactly help. However, when he stepped into the café, he realized that he didn’t have to be worried at all. Upon meeting the boss, he realized that the old man was very friendly. He took his time to explain the conditions and working hours as well as the payment and requirements to Jongin. After all of that was settled, it was time for Jongin to actually work a little so that he could show off the skills he’d learned in his previous job already and so that he could get used to his new surroundings. For that, the old man ordered one of his workers to show Jongin around.

Jongin was still waiting in the backroom of the small café where he’d had a chat with his hopefully soon-to-be-boss when there was a knock on the door. The old man had left to get one of the baristas to show Jongin around, so when he turned his head, he already expected it to be someone else besides the owner of the café.

What he didn’t expect though was to stare at a familiar face. Jongin’s heart stopped for a moment. The world seemed to stop moving when their eyes met.

“Hi, I’m Oh Sehun and one of the baristas. The boss told me to show you around. Nice to meet you!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish you all a happy Halloween!
> 
> If you ever feel troubled, please know that I'm here and you can come talk to me, either here or on twitter.
> 
> As usual, [here's](https://twitter.com/SehunSemper/status/1189945308828110849?s=09) a moodboard. Please let me know what you think of this story! There is also an alternative ending to this fic. Originally I decided to post both but then decided against it. If you'd still like to read it, hit me up in the comments or on Twitter and I'll send it to you.  
I would appreciate it if you left comments and Kudos! Thank you for reading, I love you guys <3

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys! I would love to hear your feedback on this story.  
As I mentioned before, if there's anything bothering you, please let me know. Thank you to everyone for understanding.
> 
> As always, you can find a moodboard [here](https://twitter.com/SehunSemper/status/1187676627989348352)


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